The Shit Cop and the Rooster-Headed Idiot
by pass-on-overtime
Summary: The ghost snorted, letting out a stream of smoke. "Your stupidity is indeed amusing, but calling me a ghost is going too far. If I was a ghost, I'd have better things to do than to haunt you, you can be sure of that," it said. "I'm alive, unfortunately." - Sanosuke finds out that Saitou is alive and things go from there (anime canon - fight me). Kind of a slow burn? IDK
1. Seen a Ghost

Sagara Sanosuke was sure as hell _not_ having the time of his life. He had just lost some very good money at the gambling den – and gotten into a fight with some weak asshole that had annoyed him to no end – not being a dignified winner in any sense of the word. And maybe Sanosuke was a bit of a sore loser too. But only a bit. And that guy was a _total_ asshole. So Sanosuke walked down the streets of Tokyo, glowering, his hands deep in his pockets and a fishbone between his teeth, kicking at pebbles that were in his way and glaring at anyone who even looked his way. He was majorly pissed.

He decided he could use a little stroll, breathe some air, stretch his legs a little. Maybe a fight with someone worthwhile. Oh, right. …Which was not to be found around here, that was damn straight. But there were people that he could fight. Like maybe, ten on one. That could be fun. Or maybe… He could go out and seek some strange new adventures – but they wouldn't be as fun if he was by himself. Things were chill now. It was Meiji. Kenshin was all settled down. With Kaoru. Yahiko was a kid. Aoshi and Misao were in Kyoto. And Katsu… He'd _ask_ the guy but… He found his thoughts wandering to a certain 'wolf' – someone who would definitely give Sanosuke a good fight if he came looking for one.

He felt a twinge as he thought it. The guy was long gone… Long lost, somewhere among the flames of Shishio's stupid dramatic hideout. Seriously, _fuck_ that Shishio guy. He almost killed _Kenshin_ too. Thinking back, Sanosuke wondered with a strange sadness – if he knew Saitou was going to die so soon, would he have not tried to pick as many fights with him? Or would he try to pick as many as he could? But nah. The guy was gone. No use thinking about him all the time. …But _damn_ him for just going and dying like that! What was that bullshit anyway, huh?! ' _I've lived through more bloodshed than you two combined,_ ' his ass! Sanosuke kicked a rock that was laying in his path. But he was going to get stronger. Surpass the guy. That's how he would remember Saitou. He would surpass him and be the stronges-

That was when he saw a ghost.

The ghost was leaning against a tree and smoking, wearing a perfectly creased police uniform and a katana at its side. It noticed him before he noticed it, and watched him with an amused glint in its narrow amber eyes.

When Sanosuke _did_ notice it, he yelled with terror and fell on his butt. " _What the fu-uck_?!" he yelled again and scuttled backwards, pointing. "You're dead! You a ghost? You gonna fuckin' haunt me? D'you appear when I _think_ about you?! That's creepy as shit! I fuckin' burned incense to you _so_ many times! You want more or some shit?! The good quality shit's expensive!" his eyes widened. Sanosuke was _not_ down with anything he couldn't understand or fight – like the occult or modern machinery. If a ghost was haunting him, he needed to hire an exorcist and he didn't think that Katsu knew a cheap one. "Exorcists are pretty fuckin' expensive too, asshole!"

The ghost snorted, letting out a stream of smoke. "Your stupidity is indeed amusing, but calling me a ghost is going too far. If I _was_ a ghost, I'd have better things to do than to haunt you, you can be sure of that," it said. "I'm alive, unfortunately."

Sanosuke stood up, dusting off his butt and ran up to Saitou. "…You're alive? Like… _Actually_?"

"No shit, idiot."

Sanosuke's initial paralyzing fear of the occult turned into flaming anger at the very much physical. "I thought you were _dead_ , Saitou!" Sanosuke growled, advancing on the older man. Saitou coolly looked up to meet Sanosuke's flaming brown eyes. He said nothing as Sanosuke continued to rant. "Why didn'cha _tell_ us you were alive, goddamn it?! Who the fuck told you that you could just go an' fake your goddamn death like that, huh?! Nobody – _that's_ who!" He glared, stepping closer. "I thought you were fuckin' _dead_ , you goddamn asshole!"

Saitou let out a puff of smoke. "You said that already. There just wasn't a reason to contact you people."

Sanosuke looked even angrier. "What about our fight?! What about… Well, you were our ally against Shishio, weren'cha?! What about… _Fuck_! It'd just been a hell of a lot better if you just _said_ something! We kinda _cared_ about you – even though you're an asshole!" he shook his head, throwing a punch at a nearby tree. "You just… Fuckin' _stood_ there," he muttered. "At Shishio's place. The whole place was comin' down and burnin' around you and you just stood there and started smokin' a goddamn cigarette _, like you are now_!" He had started out quietly but ended with a yell. "You said that you lived through more bloodshed than me an' Shinomori combined. That doesn't make you bloody invincible! You might be the strongest guy I'll ever know, 'sides Kenshin, 'f course," Saitou raised an eyebrow at that, "But even _he_ can die! Fuckin' _everyone_ dies at some point! And we all thought you died _then_!"

"I didn't," Saitou said simply. "I had a plan to get out of there – more or less. And I got out."

"I thought you _died_ ," Sanosuke repeated quietly. "An' 'more or less' don' cut it! I thought you fuckin' _died_ , you unnerstand?!"

Saitou smirked. "You seem to be rather hung up on that."

"'Cause you didn't tell us otherwise!" Sanosuke exploded again. "I thought you'd never fight me again to see how much stronger I've gotten! Do you even _know_ how much money I wasted – buying incense – the good shit – and burning that every day, huh?! Every day I'd say 'hey, shit cop, it's me, I'm getting stronger – I'll be better than you at some point' and you were _alive_ the whole time?! Who the fuck was I talikn' to, huh?! _Fuck_ , I'd even say I kinda missed you calling me a rooster-headed idiot – an' that's when I fuckin' _knew_ I was goin' insane!"

Saitou smirked. "Did you really?" his smirk widened. "Rooster-headed idiot," he added.

Sanosuke pulled a face. "Whatever, you shitty cop," he said. "Fight me now!" He raised a fist and bared his teeth in an excited grin. "That's how you can make up for bein' an asshole an' not tellin' us you were alive!"

"No," Saitou said. "Not interested."

The grin slipped off Sanosuke's face quickly. "Why the hell not?! If you win, you win – sure you _might_ kick my ass, but who _cares_? If I win, then, _fuck_ , I'll've achieved one'a my dreams, dammit!"

"That's oddly touching," Saitou said.

Sanosuke broke off and looked at him. "Pshh, what _ever_."

Saitou began to walk up the path through the forest and Sanosuke ran to catch up to him. " _Wait_ , dammit!" he began to walk alongside the officer, hands in his pockets.

"Did I ask for your company?"

"Nah, but I'm here anyways."

"Kindly be 'here' somewhere else."

"Not 'til you fight me."

"Will you still be around when hell freezes over?"

"Will _you_ , old wolf?"

"I don't know how much quicker your fists have gotten, but your comebacks are quicker than before."

There was a silence. "That a compliment?" Sanosuke finally ventured.

"…No. It's an insult in disguise, idiot rooster-head."

" _Oi_! You-"

The path they followed led to a clearing. They entered it, still bantering and bickering, steps in sync. Hearing a strange sound, however, Sanosuke broke off, looking for its origin. When he _had_ found it, he stumbled backwards in shock, eyes widening at the scene in the trees up ahead.

It was like some sort of erotic _tableau vivant_. Pinned against a tree, her blue kimono slipping from her shoulders and gaping open at the front, Kaoru had her legs wrapped around Kenshin's hips, the two grinding against each other. The latter leaned down and gently kissed her neck, grinding his hips a little harder, his other hand sliding up Kaoru's side, thumb brushing against her nipple. Kaoru moaned, her nails digging into Kenshin's clothed back. "Ah…! K-Kenshin…!" she managed.

"Kaoru-dono…"

"Please… D-don't tease me any more… Ah-!"

Almost _hearing_ the slick sounds that their tongues made against each other, Sanosuke felt like throwing up, punching something – or both. Like a double attack – projectile vomit punch. For a second, he leaned against a tree for support, looking down, up, away – anywhere but at the couple. He trembled slightly, then – without even a glance at Saitou, he ran away down the path, clutching at his chest where a strange pain began to grow.

Saitou had also turned away, annoyance and amusement in equal measure on his face – not horror, as with Sanosuke. He looked slightly concerned as he glanced after Sanosuke's retreating back – but did not follow him.

* * *

Later that evening, Satou did come across Sanosuke again. Not that he was looking for him or anything. Just… He decided to pass by that place, knowing that there was a chance that the rooster-head would be there. And he was right.

The ex-street fighter was sitting on the path to the woods that they had taken a few hours previously. Surrounding him were countless empty sake bottles. He lifted the last one to his mouth and poured the contents down his throat with a sigh and a cough. He looked blearily up at the impassive Saitou. "He-ey," he slurred. "Whass up, shit cop?" He patted the grass next to him. "Siddown, 'ave a drink." He fell back onto the grass behind him, staring up at the darkening sky.

Shrugging, Saitou sat. "You've drunk everything," he noted.

Sanosuke sat up again. "Aw shit, really?" he picked up a fallen bottle and tilted it to his mouth. Nothing came out. "Aw shit," he repeated.

They sat in silence. "You looked like you saw a ghost and not Battousai's little tryst with the racoon girl," said Saitou.

"Don' call 'im that – 'e's not Battousai anymore – he's _Kenshin_ ," Sanosuke said sternly. "An'- An' _Kenshin_ can be with whoever the 'ell he wants – I don' give a shit. Jou-chan's cool. 'E's 'appy with 'er… 'E loves Jou-chan… 'E _lo-oves_ Jou-chan. 'E only sees _'er_ , an' jack shit else." He sniffed and rubbed his face with his sleeve, trying fruitlessly to get a few more drops of sake out of the empty bottle, then picking up a few more and trying the same thing – with the same result. "Yeah," he repeated. "Don' give a shit."

"I see," Saitou said. He saw.

"Y'know, Kenshin to-otally kicked my ass when we first met. 'E kicked my ass once after that too. An', an' it's not like I'm into guys who kick my ass, but… He was _so_ - _o_ cool," he looked at Saitou with sparking eyes that quickly turned dim again. "…But Jou-chan's into him. Real into him. And the fox lady too. Everyone's into Kenshin. Pshh." Sanosuke snorted drunkenly. "Not that _I'm_ into Kenshin. I'm not. Never… Never 'ave been." He sniffed and rubbed at his eyes again with his sleeve. "…Jou-chan keeps one-uppin' me and she don' even know it…"

Saitou put his cigarette out. "And you're going to keep sitting here, drinking yourself into oblivion and feeling sorry for yourself?" If Sanosuke wanted a fight – Saitou would give him one. It would serve as a distraction for the spiky-haired man. Saitou almost felt _bad_ for him – and that was a sign that the case was truly pitiful.

Sanosuke rose to the bait immediately – as Saitou knew he would, standing up shakily and growling. "What the hell _else_ can I do?!"

Smirking, Saitou stood to face him. "So the man you're in love with got himself a raccoon girl. So what?" He raised a challenging eyebrow.

With a roar, Sanosuke launched himself at Saitou, swinging his fists wildly, the drink not helping his coordination. "The fuck d' _you_ know?!"

Saitou stepped to the side, easily evading the frontal assault. "I know you were too scared to tell him anything – and now it's too late."

Sanosuke swung around, almost falling over in the process and ran at Saitou again. "I couldn't take 'im away from Jou-chan!" he yelled.

Catching his fist, Saitou swung the younger man to the ground. "Tch. Excuses. You were too scared, admit it. She had no claim on him for a while – as far as I know"

"You dunno anythin'!" Sanosuke stood, lurching and wobbling, his legs barely holding him. "I was just fine seeing 'im happy with 'er like that! It was _fine_ that way!"

"You were too scared to do anything. Of course you told yourself that. Even _she_ couldn't stop him from going to Kyoto. And who followed him first – her or you?"

"'E said goodbye to _her_! _Only_ her!" Sanosuke threw himself at Saitou with a roar. " _So just shut up_!"

Saitou didn't have to do anything – Sanosuke had just run straight onto his fist, then slowly slid down to the ground, falling to his knees. Looking down at him, Saitou lit a cigarette. "…Are you done?"

"Yeah." Sanosuke said quietly. "'M done."

Nodding, Saitou turned around. "Go home. Take your bottles, _all_ of them – don't litter. Don't sleep outside – that's loitering. Rest. You'll need it after I… ' _Kicked your ass_ '."

He could hear a tired, dry laugh from Sanosuke as he fell back onto the grass. "You're a nicer guy 'n I gave you credit for, hey Saitou?"

"And you're a drunk idiot." Saitou tried not to smile, shaking his head.


	2. Oddly Comforting

"…'Kay – but I still don' unnerstand why you won't fuckin' fight me!" yelled Sanosuke, jogging to catch up with Saitou's long strides. "Fight me, damn it! You _scared_?!" he made a grab for Saitou's shoulder. "Oi, you even listenin'?"

Saitou fluidly moved out of the way, using Sanosuke's momentum to throw the spiky-haired man to the ground. "Unfortunately," he said, "I have no choice but to listen seeing as you're being a loud nuisance. And as for your challenge and your ridiculous questions – I'm not answering."

Sanosuke jumped up, dusting himself off. "Why the hell not?!" he yelled. "I'm super strong now – I can friggin' break rocks with my bare fist! Heh…! Bet you're surprised, huh, Saitou?" He held up said fist for Saitou to look at it.

"Congratulations," Saitou said dryly.

"What?! You don' believe me or some shit?!" Sanosuke yelled. "I'll show you!" he looked around the bustling street for a rock he could pummel into dust and show Saitou how much stronger he was since last time they fought.

Because he _had_ gotten stronger, damn it. And somehow, for a reason that even he, himself didn't know, it was super important to Sanosuke for Saitou to acknowledge the fact. However, his pride would not allow for him to think like that too often – and when he _did_ , he would make a face, because that was just _weird_. He didn't want to _impress_ the guy, he wanted to kick his ass. But as he looked around for rocks to destroy and thought his convoluted thoughts – Saitou had disappeared from sight.

Sanosuke had been seeing Saitou more and more, ever since that day he found out the wolfish cop was alive. Somehow, whether it be by fate – or Sanosuke's tireless seeking out of Saitou – their meetings became a frequent thing that both of them had gotten used to – no matter how hard the two would deny it. It became almost a ritual – Sanosuke finding him – trying to pick a fight – Saitou turning him down at every opportunity, and not explaining ' _why the fuck not, damn it?!_ ' to the confused and pissed-off rooster-head. But Sanosuke didn't give up easily.

And Saitou never explained why he didn't just ditch the younger man. He _could_ , that was for sure – but he didn't – and the two would often walk alongside each other, casually slinging insults. Saitou arrested him occasionally, Sanosuke found more and more elaborate ways to try and pick a fight with Saitou. Yet somehow… They were… What _were_ they? There was a word for it, but it seemed just wrong in the context of himself and Saitou. _Getting along_?! _Fuck_ no they weren't! They hated each other's guts, but like… In a _friendly_ way. No, _that_ was wrong too. Him and Saitou as friends?! Hell no. That was an absolutely terrifying thought and Sanosuke shivered – of _course_ they weren't getting along. Eww.

They just… _Could stand each other more_?! _Hell_ no he wasn't admitting to that! After a while, Sanosuke decided to drop that line of thought before he went insane – thinking of synonyms for the same thing, over and over again – then denying it, over and over again. This was just the way things _were_ now – and, sure – it wasn't entirely unpleasant. He could leave it at that. It was good enough.

But… where the fuck _was_ Saitou?

Sanosuke grinned, looking up and seeing a tall building, still in the process of being built and covered in scaffolding. Jackpot. His grin widened.

If he could only get up there…

* * *

Swearing colorfully and drinking, Sanosuke related the events of the day to Katsuhiro. The latter calmly painted as he listened to his friend, nodding and occasionally snorting – despairing at the other man's sanity. Sanosuke continued. "…Then the guy ditched me – can you believe that?! An' I was like, 'hey – if I climb this building here, I'll be able to see everything'! So I get up on that scaffolding an' start climbin'!"

Katsuhiro raised an eyebrow. "Didn't end well, though, did it." He rolled his sleeve up not to smudge anything as he painted further up the page.

"Spot fuckin' on, man!" Sanosuke said cheerfully. "But that didn't get me down – I pushed the guy who was tellin' me to fuck off – an' went up anyway." He grinned. "An' then I saw him, that asshole Saitou, right where I wanted him. Thing is, I was up there and he was down there, so I couldn't get to him easy – by the time I show up down there he'd be gone, see?"

Covering his face with an ink-stained hand for a second, Katsuhiro shook his head. "…You didn't."

"Sure as hell, Katsu my man – I _did_ ," the street fighter said gleefully. "If I jumped from there straight onto him, he'd have no choice but to fight me – an' I'd have the element of surprise! It'd be totally worth it to see the look on that shitty cop's face! I'd just tackle him on the ground and win!" he laughed. "I mean, nobody's gonna expect me to launch a, uh, aerial attack, yeah?"

"Your crazy obsession with this guy is getting _weird_ , Sano. Weirder and weirder by the moment," Katsuhiro sighed. "All you ever talk about is how much you 'hate' this guy, but then how much you want him to notice your strength – or just Himura Kenshin and how great he is."

Sanosuke shook his head, looking at Katsuhiro reproachfully. "Obsession? Man, that's kinda harsh! 'M not _obsessed_ with the guy – just wanna fight him! An' I don't _always_ talk about Kenshin. Just _sometimes_. An' he _is_ really great."

"Uh-huh. …And so? Did you win?" asked Katsuhiro resignedly.

"…No," Sanosuke said, scratching the back of his neck, looking embarrassed. "I uh… Misjudged the distance and uh… Well I kinda chucked myself into this cart with these sacks of rice in it... And he called me an idiot." He sighed. "I'll kick his ass next time, though, for sure!" A glint appeared in his eyes and he clenched his fist, a grin reappearing on his face.

"You _are_ an idiot," Katsuhiro sighed. "Don't kill yourself trying to impress this guy, 'kay?" he dipped his paintbrush into the ink again, tapping it to dislodge extra pigment.

"Stop making it sound weird!" Sanosuke whined. "You make it sound like... _Wrong_ , man! 'M not tryin' to _impress_ him – 'm tryin' to kick his ass in a fight!"

Rolling his eyes, Katsuhiro decided not to say anything further and added the finishing touches. He held up the piece of paper he had been laying ink onto and showed it to Sanosuke. He was rather proud of this drawing. "What do you think?" he asked the spiky-haired man.

"Hey, that looks great, man!" Sanosuke exclaimed, patting (more like slamming) him on the back. Then he paused. "That a chick or a guy, though?"

Katsuhiro sighed deeply. "I'm trying out a new art style, Sano. It's a man."

"Oh, uh, he looks pretty-y… Fabulous. Pretty fabulous." Sanosuke's encouraging smile looked confused and slightly fake. "Great job, man."

Shaking his head, Tsunan Katsuhiro decided that however much he loved his friend, and respected Sanosuke's opinions – the guy simply knew jack shit about art.

* * *

Sanosuke stretched and yawned as he made his way over to the dojo. He saw Yahiko training in the yard and waved. "Hey, kiddo!" he called. "Who's cookin' t'night?"

"Don't call me a kid!" Yahiko yelled, then looked around, stopping swinging his sword for a moment. He motioned for Sanosuke to come over. Once the spiky-haired man was within whispering range, Yahiko grinned and gave him a thumbs-up. "It's Kenshin's turn tonight, rooster-head. You're safe from death by poisoning. Kaoru's turn is tomorrow."

"Aw _great_!" Sanosuke grinned and punched the air. "I fuckin' love that guy!"

Standing on tiptoe, Yahiko tried to slam Sanosuke's shoulder in a manly, friendly way. "Well don't love him _too_ much, 'cause-" he cut himself off. "…Well, you'll see!" He grinned back. "It's a surprise!"

At that time, Sanosuke had only given the kid a confused sideways look.

He finally understood what Yahiko meant when the four of them, Kenshin, Kaoru, Yahiko and him sat down to eat. Kenshin and Kaoru kept exchanging looks and smiling at each other, giving Sanosuke a strange sinking feeling of foreboding in his stomach. Yahiko was grinning conspiratorially too, shoveling fried rice and fish into his mouth at a crazy speed – the speed of a hungry growing boy. Sanosuke ate more slowly, his appetite curbed with growing anxiety.

Sanosuke set his bowl down for a moment, pouring himself some more miso soup, when Kaoru clapped her hands. "I want to make an announcement!" she smiled happily and looked at Sanosuke. "Me and Kenshin…"

"Kaoru-dono and this one…" Kenshin smiled, linking his hand with hers.

They exchanged glances and spoke at the same time.

"…Are getting married!"

"That we are!" finished Kenshin.

"The wedding's in three months!" added Kaoru.

"That it is!" Kenshin smiled.

There was a silence as they looked at him expectantly – only broken by the sound of his chopsticks falling to the table with a clatter. "…You guys for real?" he asked carefully.

It felt like the world was dropping out from under his feet and he was standing on the last, slightly stable piece of it.

"Yes!"

"That we are!"

The piece fell away.

Seeing the glowing faces of his two best friends – the face of the man he was in love with and his best friend – eyes shining like that, grinning at him… He couldn't let them down. Sanosuke let out the biggest laugh he could, slapping Kenshin on the back and ruffling Kaoru's hair. "About time, too!" he said. "Jeez – you two! The most oblivious, lovesick dummies are finally getting their asses married off to each other! Congratulations you guys! I'm so fuckin' happy for you!"

"Oro!"

"Haha – Sa _no_! That's me-ean!"

He grinned, trying to dispel the bitter taste in his mouth. "Oh, Yahiko – you're gonna have to put up with a _lot_!"

"O-oro?!" Kenshin looked up at his friend. "W-what do you mean, Sano?"

Forcing out another belly laugh without choking, Sanosuke grinned mischievously. "With these two – nobody within a half-mile's gonna be able to sleep again!"

He dodged a bowl of miso soup flying at his head from a blushing Kaoru. An equally red-faced Kenshin covered his face with his hands, avoiding Kaoru's eyes. "Ororo-o…!" he groaned with embarrassment. Sanosuke smiled at the red-haired man.

"I'm real happy for you, Kenshin," he lay his hand lightly on his shoulder, smiling.

Seeing Kenshin happy like this… Sanosuke realized that _he_ couldn't make him happy like that. Kenshin needed Kaoru – she was his everything. He'd settled down with _her_ , she had given him a reason to live. She was one hundred percent a strong, capable Meiji-era girl, not a loafing street-fighter from the dregs of the Revolution. Seeing Kenshin happy like this… Even though it hurt because it wasn't Sanosuke that was making him happy… Sanosuke could be sort of happy himself, watching Kenshin smile in a carefree way. It wouldn't matter that his hand was holding onto Kaoru's. His two best friends were together – that was a good thing. He would be a good friend to the both of them.

"Thank you, Sano."

* * *

As he made his way home, Sanosuke decided to take a detour to the nearest sake bar. The number of drinks he had on his tab… He didn't want to think about it at that moment. One of his gambling buddies there had given him a large jug of cheap sake for free. "The wife's wanting me to quit drinking all the time – but I can't just throw it out," he said. Sanosuke had taken the jug with slurred but sincere words of thanks, staggering off down the alley, occasionally chugging more sake. He could almost forget what Kenshin and Kaoru had said to him. Sure he had told himself to be happy for them… But he still was just a guy. He couldn't just snap his fingers and not be in love anymore.

He stuck to backstreets as he made his way… Where _was_ he making his way anyway? The row-houses were in another direction. He sure as hell wasn't going back to the dojo like this, that was for damn sure. Well, _shit_. Was he lost? He blinked, surveying his surroundings through bleary eyes. It looked oddly familiar… Oh! At first, a feeling of relief rushed over him – then of something best eloquently described as a feeling of 'oh shit'. He was in front of the police station.

"Why 'n th' name 'f everlovin' _fuck_ 'm I here?" he muttered to himself, scratching his head, the simple action rendering him more unbalanced than he cared to be.

"No idea, unless your landlady kicked you out – and you're looking for a place to sleep – like a nice cozy prison cell," a voice behind him said. "I could very easily set that up, idiot."

Sanosuke turned laboriously around with a slight grin. Maybe he was just _slightly_ happy to see Saitou. "He-ey, shitty cop…!" he slurred. "Don' worr' 'kay? 'm just gettin' th' fuck outta here – don' mind me…"

" _Tch_." Saitou made a sound of disapproval and puffed smoke out. "Rooster-head, you stink like a brewery."

"Oh _yeah_? 'N _you_ stink like cigarettes. Smoke 'n tobacco. An' kinda…" he stepped unbalancedly forward with a sniff, his face stopping a bit too close to Saitou. "Other stuff. F'rgot what's called. 'S nice though… Like clean laundry an' tea maybe-" He was about to get closer and sniff again, when he was flicked in the forehead with a gloved hand. "Oww, man…!" he stumbled back, putting his hand to his forehead. "Fuckin' _hurt_ ," he whined.

"Stop being an idiot and go somewhere else before I arrest you," Saitou said, shaking his head. "You're ridiculously drunk."

"Hell yeah th' fuck I am!" Sanosuke said happily, then paused. Why was he drunk? …Oh. Kenshin and Kaoru were- His smile trembled and he looked down at the ground, kicking at the dust.

Saitou's eyes were heavy on him and he spoke uncharacteristically gently. "…You didn't walk in on Battousai and the raccoon-girl again, did you?" he asked, looking carefully at Sanosuke.

At that, the younger man's shoulders completely drooped – and the unsure, slightly dopey grin on his face slipped off completely. He sniffed, rubbing a sleeve across his eyes. "They're…" he hiccoughed. "Gettin' _married_ …!" the last part came out as a sort of half-sob. "Jou-chan and Kenshin're gettin' _married_! Th-the wedding's in… _Three_ months…!" he sobbed again, leaning against the wall then slowly slipping down to sit on the ground, his legs stretched out and his head lolling to the side.

"Oh," Saitou said. "I… See."

Sanosuke sniffed. "Get your sword out…" he said quietly. "Fight me…"

"No."

" _Fight me_!" brokenly yelled Sanosuke, forcing himself to stand up again. "F'r real! Just… _Fight_ me, Saitou!" he stepped forward, grabbing a stiffly standing Saitou by the front of his uniform coat. "Fuckin'… Come at me…!" he whispered hoarsely. "Get your sword out… An' try to stab me, already!"

His grip was removed almost immediately. "Right now, idiot," Saitou said, not unkindly, "You look like you could lose a fight with a young _child_."

"But…" Sanosuke stepped back, dropping his almost-empty jug and making fists out of his hands. "But you…"

"A breath of wind could knock you over, you're so drunk," Saitou continued. "Pumping yourself full of alcohol is _not_ a way to solve all your problems – even if you think it is."

"But… _Fight_ me…!" Sanosuke managed.

"You truly have a one-track mind, idiot." Saitou flicked the younger man's forehead, and somehow, it seemed oddly comforting. "I said – _no_."

"Asshole…" muttered Sanosuke, turning around, his shoulders slumped. "You're just 'fraid I'll kick your ass."

Saitou rolled his eyes. "If it makes you feel better," he said. "Shoo. Go away. Go to bed and stop terrorizing the population. Or I _will_ arrest you."

Sanosuke turned around again and he stumbled back slightly as he waved at Saitou, grinning slightly – feeling a bit better for some reason. "I'll kick your ass t'morrow, 'kay?" he called. "Ge' ready!"

"Go home already, you drunk idiot." The very faint smile on Saitou's angular face didn't escape Sanosuke's bleary eyes.


	3. Broke-ness & Beef Bowls

A/N: Oro? What's this? An update this early? Yeah - I actually managed to just bang another chapter out (holy shit, it must be the apocalypse, my dudes). Anyway, thanks to ' **shan** ' for reviewing - I'm super glad you liked it - and thanks to my senpais in the SaiSa world - ' **kuroiyousei** ' and ' **plaidshirtjimkirk** ' - all you guys's support is keeping me going-!

* * *

At Kenshin and Kaoru's wedding party, Sanosuke cried. It was strange – he cried not only with sadness because the man he loved was getting married to someone else – but with happiness too. His two best friends in the world were so ridiculously happy – and that made him happy too. Seeing Kenshin's carefree smile and love-filled eyes when he looked at the positively radiant Kaoru… It made Sanosuke's heart both hurt and soar. It really was strange, that feeling.

Everyone thought he was crying with sheer happiness. When Misao – who had come up from Kyoto with Aoshi for the wedding – looked at him, she patted his shoulder. "Come on, macho-man," she had said with a smile, "If you start bawling about how happy you are, I _will_ start laughing at you."

He only scrubbed his sleeve over his eyes and laughed. "Oi, shut it, weasel-girl!" Technically, it wasn't _his_ sleeve, he had borrowed a pair of hakama and a haori from people he knew, and Katsuhiro had lent him a kimono. It was actually Megumi had badgered him into wearing something 'presentable' to the wedding, otherwise she'd stab him with her acupuncture needles. How could he have refused when a lady asked him in such a way?

Saitou had come before the wedding. He stopped by the gates of the dojo – and when Kenshin stood warily up from his laundry to greet him, Saitou had smirked. "I suppose this means you've managed to lose your fangs all the way, Battousai," he said. "…Any hope I may've had for a rematch is gone. Congratulations, _Himura Kenshin_." With that, he had left.

After the wedding-party's aftermath, where Kenshin and Kaoru smiled dopily at each other, accepting congratulations from a timid Tsubame, a cheerful Tae, a mischievously laughing Megumi, a solemn Aoshi and an energetic Misao – Sanosuke had hugged them both, maybe for a little too long. But he was tipsy and emotional. They'd all cut him some slack. "Nice goin' you guys. You finally did it, huh? I'ma come back to th' dojo one day and there'll be some kid runnin' 'round callin' you two 'mom' and 'dad'. I'm wishin' you all the best luck in the world – I honestly am. I love you, Kenshin, Jou-chan." He sniffed. "Love you guys…"

"Oi, you're getting sappy!" yelled Yahiko. "And kids don't just show up like that! It takes time for 'em to get born!"

"He's being sweet! And I bet you learned _that_ just yesterday, Yahiko- _chan_." yelled Misao back at him. "Right, Aoshi-sama?"

The man inclined his head, saying nothing. Had he just shot Sanosuke an apologetic look? "I'll see you guys around, yeah? I gotta get my ass back to my place!" Sanosuke grinned at everyone and headed unsteadily out the door. He slipped on his shoes and looked back.

"Hey, dummy rooster-head?" It was Megumi.

"Was'sup, Megitsune?" he asked, leaning against the doorframe.

She smiled at him, then got into serious doctor mode. "Just be careful on your way back, alright? Don't… Drink yourself stupid again, alright?"

He laughed. "Why'd I do that?" he asked flippantly.

The woman raised both her eyebrows, tightened her lips and aimed a look at him. "I have _eyes_ , you know. …Nobody else knows, don't worry," she added quickly noticing his eyes widening and his shoulders tightening defensively, "Just… I've been there too, okay? I can tell. Kaoru-chan beat both of us."

Sanosuke laughed explosively, yet it sounded fake even to him. He trailed off at her serious, yet gentle look, then he smiled, slightly sadly. "Thanks, vixen. You're a real buddy."

Megumi rolled her eyes at him. "Hell yes I am – and don't you forget it," she said with the slight hint of a smile. "Remember what I said about not drinking yourself into insanity. Otherwise… _Acupuncture_."

"Yes ma'am!" he saluted, shivering, then grinning at her.

Then he waved and staggered away down the street that got darker and darker the further he got away from the dojo. He heard Yahiko whooping and Misao screaming something, clinking of cups together and laughter. Megumi was a really good friend to him – she was a great lady, even though she got annoying sometimes. But that was friendship for you.

He sighed. So Kenshin and Kaoru were married. And that was that. Now, all he needed was to get so drunk he could forget about it all… Oh wait, acupuncture. Shit. …But maybe a little drink wouldn't hurt-

"I see you're not as drunk as I expected." The voice coming out of the dark could've belonged to only one person.

"Hey, shit cop," Sanosuke said, continuing to walk, Saitou falling into step beside him. "Nah – I'm not."

"…Good."

"Might though," Sanosuke muttered, kicking a rock that was in his path.

"If you get that drunk again – I'm arresting you for disturbing the peace." Saitou said sternly. "And it'll be for longer than one night on a pile of straw."

"I don' disturb the peace!"

"Your _existence_ disturbs the peace."

"Fuckin' _rude_ – you asshole cop," he growled, aiming a half-hearted punch at Saitou's arm (that didn't reach its' destination by any stretch). "If you wanna know, Megitsune's threatened me with acupuncture – so I probably won't get drunk, anyway."

"Who's… ' _Megitsune_ '?"

"The doctor lady."

"Takani?"

"That's the one."

"Ah." There was a silence, but it was a comfortable silence – and that was weird, by Sanosuke's standards. Saitou broke it again. "…You're currently unemployed, aren't you. And broke."

" _Yeah_ , so?!" Sanosuke said defensively. "You don' gotta rub it in…"

There was a pause before Saitou spoke again. "…There's a job I can offer you."

"Hu-uh?!" Sanosuke looked at Saitou with wide eyes. "You kiddin'?!"

"Do I look like it?"

"Even when you _are_ kiddn' your face looks pretty much th' same, so how the fuck can _I_ tell, huh, asshole?" retorted Sanosuke. His facial expression turned from ticked off to a grin in mere milliseconds "So, what's the job?"

"I need an informant."

"Hu-uh? Don'cha got that broom-head?"

"…I asked you a question, idiot." Saitou looked at Sanosuke, striking a match to light his cigarette. "Are you up for it?"

Sanosuke paused, scratching his head and thinking. "…I uh…" he looked down and away, his eyebrows pensively drawing together. "Yeah," he said. "I'm up for it!" he grinned brightly, looking up at Saitou. He sighed, folding his arms behind his head as he walked along. "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, huh," he muttered, shaking his head and grinning to himself. "If I can't show you how much ass I can kick by fightin' you – then I can show you by fightin' _with_ you."

Saitou nodded. "I see," he said, and Sanosuke couldn't make out what kind of facial expression he had in the darkness. They stopped in at a fork in the road, one prong leading to Sanosuke's place in the row-houses and another in the direction of wherever the hell Saitou lived. Saitou looked down at Sanosuke. "I don't want to find you hungover in a ditch tomorrow. You're working for me – so you better take care of yourself. Your ass is mine, Sanosuke – don't forget."

"Oi! My ass is my own – and my own only! You friggin' _wish_ you had an ass as fine as mine!" he retorted. Then he paused. "I do what I want!"

"Not when you work for me, you don't." Turning around with a smirk, Saitou raised an eyebrow. "…But you can clean up well… For an idiot," he said.

Sanosuke watched the man's back begin to disappear into the darkness with every step he took. "Uh… Thanks?" he called, then paused, thinking. Something didn't add up. "OI! You! You insultin' me or complimentin' me, huh?! Since when's my ass yours, huh?!" he paused. "Wait… Were you bein' _nice_?!" he realized that Saitou was probably already gone. " _Oi_! You hear me, you asshole?! Damn it Saitou, I just don't get you!" he looked at his hakama-haori formal dress. "I _do_ look damn good, though," he muttered to himself.

Halfway home, he realized that Saitou had just used his first name for the first time. "I honestly _don't_ get you, Saitou," he repeated, throwing himself down onto his thin, narrow futon. Then he realized he was still talking to a guy who wasn't there (which wasn't a habit anymore, he really needed to stop doing that) – and that wasn't a good sign at all. "Get out of my head, shitty cop," he said sternly to his low ceiling.

It didn't help.

* * *

"Idiot. Take the mustache off your face and your ass of my desk _now_." Saitou's eyebrow twitched and he took a deep drag of his cigarette. It had been a long day, and it wasn't even nine in the morning yet.

Sanosuke did not move from his position on Saitou's desk and grinned. "Hey – I look pretty different with this on, right? Like, _nobody_ 'd recognize me if they saw me on the street, yeah? 'S for the job! Everyone 'round town knows me, so I got a disguise!" The fake mustache that he had somehow acquired sat like a black, hairy caterpillar on his upper lip. "Guy who sold it said I looked pretty damn good, too." Sanosuke struck a pose, looking seriously off into the distance, stroking his chin. "Said it made me look _refined_. Whaddaya think?"

"He ripped you off – you look like even more of an idiot than usual," Saitou said. "Now get off my desk."

Ignoring him, Sanosuke edged closer to Saitou, leaning forward. "Oh come _on_ , you cranky old wolf! This thing looks _legit_ , admit it!"

Pretending to consider the furry strip of _something_ stuck to Sanosuke's face, Saitou leaned closer. "I suppose," he began – then he moved quickly, pulling it off with a sticky sound, "It looks even worse up close," he finished.

" _Ow-w_! What the _fuck_ , man?!" Sanosuke fell backwards off Saitou's desk, upsetting a few stacks of papers and clutching at his face. "That fuckin' _hurt_!" he yelled. " _Warn_ me before you do something like that, asshole!"

Saitou impassively looked over the edge of his desk at the man writing on the floor. "You wouldn't have let me," he said.

Sanosuke looked thoughtful. "True." The thoughtful look was gone as soon as if arrived. "I paid cash I didn't even _have_ for that thing!" he yelled.

The door of Saitou's office crashed open and with a flap of his outfit and a clank of weapons, Sawagejou Chou arrived to work. "Yo boss!" he looked down, raising his booted foot in a kicking motion at Sanosuke, who still lay on the floor. "Yo, rooster-head! 'S been a while."

"Hey broom-head! Sure has!" Sanosuke flipped the blond man off in a friendly way, sitting up. "Still usin' a pitchfork to style your hair?"

"Still usin' a bird as a model fer yours?"

"At least _I_ don' look like I got a stack of dead grass on my head!"

"'Least I don' look like I got a dead bird on top'a mine!"

"You wanna fight?!"

"Bring it!" Chou smirked. "Or 're ya _chicken_?"

Sanosuke hit his fists together, standing up to his full height. "Pshh – I'll _sweep the floor_ with you!"

"Ya think?"

"Hell yeah!"

Saitou watched as the two moved closer and closer, grapping each other by the front of their garments, foreheads almost touching, eyes boring into each other. …When he thought about it, they were much too close. He decided to end their escalation of tension there. "You two," he said, loudly.

They turned towards him, not letting go of each other. Saitou stubbed his cigarette out and stood up. "You two are _both_ working for me now, so you better learn how to get along." As he headed for the door, another thought came to him. "No fights in the office. And, Sawagejou? If that idiot ever comes in with some dead caterpillar on his face again, I order you to rip it off."

"Yes sir-ee!" Chou drawled as he lazily saluted.

"Oi!" Sanosuke yelled. "There's nothing wrong with mustaches – the hell's you guys' problem?!"

* * *

Saitou had set Sanosuke on exposing a few petty syndicates in the next few weeks. The young man did his job well, and Saitou's worries on whether he could do it without starting too many fights, were quelled. Sanosuke knew who was who in the Tokyo underworld, therefore proving to be a great asset. And Saitou was, to put it in extreme terms – kind of proud. Of course, he'd never admit it. It was after a particular job well done, when Saitou decided Sanosuke should accompany him for dinner. Of course, he didn't phrase it in that way.

"You're coming to the Akabeko this evening," he had said, blowing out a steady stream of smoke.

"Hey? How come? Not that I don' want free food or anythin' but what's the occasion-"

Saitou pretended to be more annoyed than he actually was. "The annoying sound of your stomach growling is getting on my nerves."

Sanosuke, of course, never declined the offer of a free meal – as Saitou had expected. The two men walked down bustling evening streets, illuminated by the warm lights of lanterns. "Oi, Saitou?" asked Sanosuke, looking up.

"Hm?" Saitou looked down for a brief moment.

"Where's the broom-head?"

Saitou's eyebrow twitched slightly. "He's not coming," he said. Saitou had not invited him.

"Aw, I see," Sanosuke said, grinning and folding his arms behind his head. "I guess the guy can't stand bein' 'round you even if it comes with free food, huh?"

"Idiot," Saitou said. "I'm taking the cost of food out of your salary."

"Oi!" yelped Sanosuke. " _Seriously_?!"

"No." he allowed himself a small smirk.

"Jerk! You had me seriously freaked out there, shitty cop!"

They arrived at the Akabeko and Tae greeted them cheerfully, showing them to a table at the back. "Soba for me." Saitou said, "And a big beef bowl for this idiot." Tae smiled at them, however the smile she sent in Sanosuke's direction came with a sharp glare. How big of a tab had Sanosuke managed to pile up at the Akabeko anyway? Saitou looked at Sanosuke as they waited for their food.

"Hey, Saitou?"

"What?"

Sanosuke looked away, scratching the back of his neck, his eyes seeming to look for something on the ceiling. He cleared his throat. "I… Uh… Thanks. F'r getting' me dinner," he said quickly. "'S nice f'you," he muttered.

Saitou also didn't look at Sanosuke, however he prided himself on looking much more natural, less embarrassed and awkward as he gazed at the entrance of the restaurant. "Idiot," he said.

The food arrived and Sanosuke attacked it with such ferocity that Saitou was slightly surprised. "Good thing I took you out now, otherwise you would have started eating the paperwork," he muttered as he began on his soba.

"Hey, cu'me some slack, yeh?" Sanosuke said around a hot mouthful of beef stew. "'S th' first meal I've 'ad in two days, 'kay?" he paused. "Wai' w's tha' a joke?! I nee' t' mark this m'mentous 'ccasion on th' calendar, shit cop!"

Saitou's eyes narrowed and he ignored the jab. " _Two days_?" he hadn't meant to repeat it, but his voice was strident.

Sanosuke looked up, slightly surprised, swallowing. "Yeah? I got rent t' pay an' debts t' pay back – an' food's not 'xactly free, y'know," he looked confused at the sharpness in Saitou's eyes. "Wassup?"

With an annoyed snort, Saitou shook his head. "…Didn't I tell you to take care of yourself, idiot?" he asked. "How are you supposed to work for me if you don't eat, hm?"

"'S'fine, s'fine!" Sanosuke looked a little amused. "Two days 's nothin', Saitou, I'm used to-"

"Tomorrow – here. No questions." Saitou interrupted.

The spiky-haired young man looked warily at Saitou. "You serious?" he asked carefully.

Saitou glared at him over his soba. "Less dumb questions, more eating," he said, fluidly dodging the question. "…Idiot."


	4. Ridiculous Nonsense

Sanosuke should have been used to such things by now. But he wasn't. Like Saitou said to him, 'you never learn from your mistakes, idiot'. And he was. He was an idiot who didn't learn from his mistakes. Instead of a sharp pain, there was just a dull numbness as he forced another grin on his face, enthusiastically yelled another round of congratulations. Kenshin and Kaoru were having a kid. Kaoru said she could _feel_ that it was a boy. They were going to name him Kenji. Their faces were glowing with happy smiles. Yahiko was excited to be a big brother. Kenshin was tearing up. And… Kaoru _was_ looking kind of round around the middle, if he looked closely.

He stumbled away again, reeling from the blow. Even after the marriage, he had just put everything out of his mind and absorbed himself in work with Saitou. He hadn't visited the dojo in weeks, and when he did, it was almost like before, except for Kenshin and Kaoru making eyes at each other more often. The baby in Kaoru's stomach seemed more definite than the marriage somehow. It was like he was falling, falling, then hitting the ground.

Sanosuke drank. He drank some more. He fought. He drank. He stumbled into another fight. His fists were bleeding. He vaguely remembered that he had dinner with Saitou. He probably missed it already. Fuck it. The taste of blood in his mouth was washed away with sake. He repeated the cycle until it was dark, then until it was even darker. That was it for him. He had to tell that to himself over and over. Kenshin never saw him. Had never seen him. That was it. So what was he supposed to do now?

It was nighttime now. He found himself wanting to be with Saitou. Saitou always seemed to find him in situations like this. And in a roundabout, Saitou-ish way – the wolfish cop would manage to comfort him. Sanosuke drank further. His surroundings blurred more and more. Was he in front of the police station? He couldn't tell. Each step took so much effort. He didn't think he'd ever been so drunk in his life.

Oh, there was a familiar, tall shape in blue. So he _was_ nearby the police station. Yes, he smelled that comforting smell of tobacco, tea, clean laundry… Soba… Cold metal… He took a few more steps and the bottle fell from his hand, making a weird sound as it rolled on the cobblestones.

The figure turned – and it _was_ Saitou. Of course. Thank goodness. Sanosuke didn't realize he was crying until he stumbled forward and fell against Saitou's chest with a sob. "Kenshin… 'E's… 'Avin'… 'avin' a- A ki-kid…!" he managed.

"Rooster-head?" Saitou sounded surprised, slightly. He made no move to remove the pathetically clinging and weeping Sanosuke from himself. "You. How drunk are you? Did you get in a fight? You look terrible. You were supposed to be at the Akabeko, idiot."

Sanosuke didn't answer and he took fistfuls of Saitou's jacket in his hands, pressing himself more against the tall man. He was warm. When he talked, Sanosuke could hear the rumble from his chest. His shoulders shook with another sob. "'E… 'E nev'r even… nev'r ev'n saw me… All th's time… I've… I've only wan'ned…"

"Come on, pull yourself together a little," Saitou said, not unkindly. "You should go home and sleep. You'll have a terrible hangover in the morning." A gloved hand very carefully rested on Sanosuke's tousled head. "Battousai got married. To begin with, it was bound to happen."

"'M a dumbass… Why… Why'd I love 'im?" muttered Sanosuke. "Why? Whuzz wrong w' me? 'M such a dumbass…"

He heard and felt Saitou sigh quietly. "You couldn't help it. Anyone who's in love is an idiot."

Sanosuke let out another sob. Another careful gloved hand rested on his back. "'M sorr', Saitou… I allu's come t' you… 'M sorr' f' bein' a pain in th' ass." He relaxed slightly against Saitou, with no intention of letting go.

"Don't worry about stupid things." The hand on Sanosuke's head ruffled his hair, and Saitou said nothing for a while. "…Come on. I'll take you to your place," he said.

Sanosuke didn't move. "'Aven't paid th' rent cuz I been payin' off m' tab… Gonna kick m' out 'f I don' sh'up with m'ney…" muttered Sanosuke into Saitou's chest. "J'st lock m' up in jail f'r th' night… F'r disturbin' th' peace 'n shit…"

"Tch." Saitou sounded annoyed. "Don't be an idiot." Sanosuke felt himself being peeled off Saitou, then his arm pulled around a pair of shoulders. He cracked his eyes open. Saitou looked at him and put his arm around Sanosuke's waist, dragging him into a more vertical standing position. "Stop owing people," he admonished.

Blearily, Sanosuke tried to smile, his cracked lip beginning to bleed again. "I allu's 'nd up owin' _you_ , though…"

"Idiot," Saitou muttered beginning to walk. "Think of it as repayment for the sword I left in your shoulder two years ago."

Sanosuke's smile was genuine. "Y're a nice guy, Saitou… Y' really are." He laughed a little, sniffing. "Sholda fall'n 'n love with _you_ 'nstead…"

"And _you're_ an absolute idiot," Saitou said wryly. "Stop spouting your ridiculous nonsense and start walking. I might be a 'nice guy' but I'm not carrying you."

* * *

Sanosuke woke up with a groan, clutching at his head, his eyes cracking open. The sunlight streaming through a gap in the shoji elicited another pained groan from him. There was a bitter taste in his mouth and his voice was raspy as he swore. "…Fuck," he said emphatically, raising a heavy hand to block the sunlight. His bed was so warm and comfortable, he wanted never to have woken up.

Wait. Shit.

 _His_ bed wasn't warm and comfortable. _His_ bed was a glorified pile of sheets on the ground. _This_ was someone else's bed. He sat up, surveying his surroundings. He was in a house, in someone's futon. He had to wait for his eyes to get adjusted to the light and it wasn't a big house by any stretch, but it was clean and nice, a few windows were open and the smell of miso soup came wafting from down a narrow hallway. Whose house was he in?

He swore. Did he drunkenly break into and pass out in someone else's house? But the owner seemed to be awake, whoever it was – and he hadn't been kicked out yet. Or maybe he'd gone home with someone and… Oh. Had he slept with someone? He was shirtless, after all. Shit. This was bad. Who the hell was it? As long as it wasn't anyone weird – that'd be fine but… He jumped up, ignoring the bolt of pain in his head. His jacket was neatly folded beside him. He picked it up. Somehow, it looked cleaner… Sanosuke sniffed it. It _smelled_ cleaner.

Wait, wait.

He sniffed his jacket, then the futon, then took a large whiff of the room. The same smell. Tobacco, smoke, clean laundry, cold metal, tea… A very familiar, comfortable scent…

Oh, fucking hell.

He shot up into the air and began to pull his jacket on.

Shittety shit. He was in Saitou's house. Why the _fuck_ was he in Saitou's house?!

He had a hangover, which meant he had been drunk. Why was he drunk? …Oh. Right. Kenshin and Kaoru's impending… _Kid_. He got into fights and drank… His hand went to his face and he noticed that the bruise and cut on the side of his face had something pasted over it and his head was bandaged, as was the cut on his upper arm. Someone had patched him up. _Saitou_ had patched him up. Okay. _Maybe_ he could deal with that.

So, wait. He had to recap.

He had gotten dead drunk and picked a few fights. Missed dinner with Saitou. Showed up at the police station. Saitou was there. Called him an idiot (what else was new?). He vaguely remembered hugging Saitou and crying… Shit. That's embarrassing. …He wasn't sure if he was imagining his memory of the guy hugging him back, though.

Wait. Oh, fucking hell no.

Had he been drunk and _slept with Saitou_?! Sanosuke clutched at his head. Oh shit. He tried to get a barrage of imaginary, smirking Saitous in various states of undress out of his mind. Saitou could _not_ have possibly fucked him. That was _so_ out of the question. Another set of images, involving Saitou above him in a bed rushed through his mind. No. No fucking way. His face heated up and he hit himself in the head a few times, gritting his teeth at the pain it caused him. Slightly tamer images this time, Saitou taking his gloves off with his teeth (which was hot), Saitou without his police jacket on, in a tight muscle shirt (Sanosuke realized exactly how lucky he was to have witnessed tha- Oh god no wait)- "Nope, nope, nope. _Nope_. Hell to the fuck to the no, no, no. … _God_ no. Fuck _off_ , Saitou," he said.

"That's rude, considering I even made breakfast for your sorry ass." The voice's sudden arrival startled Sanosuke. Saitou stood in the doorway, smoking and wearing a casual black yukata.

Sanosuke let out a choked yell and scuttled backwards, looking up. He pointed at Saitou. "I-I didn' sleep w' you!" he managed to get out.

Saitou eyed him with curiosity and slight amusement. "No, you did not." He folded his arms. "In fact, _I_ had to sleep on the floor – since you so inconsiderately took the futon."

Red in the face, Sanosuke avoided Saitou's narrow amber eyes. "Oh, I uh… Thanks f'r th' brekkist…" he muttered, pulling his jacket on. "An' all th' other stuff." He hissed as a bolt of pain shot through his head.

"Idiot," Saitou said, turning away.

Breakfast was comfortable. The rice and miso soup was good, the fried vegetables were good – Sanosuke had to concede that Saitou was a good cook. "Sai'ou? Y'know – y'really grea' a' makin' food!" he said enthusiastically around a mouthful.

"Eat with your mouth closed," came the reply.

"Oi, oi, I'm complimentin' you!"

"I couldn't understand since your mouth was full." Saitou coolly took a drink of tea.

"Don' make me _repeat_ it, asshole – it gets embarrassing a second time!" growled Sanosuke. "I bet you unnerstood, anyhow!"

Saitou looked at Sanosuke over the top of his newspaper. "You have no shame – I did not realize you knew the meaning of 'embarrassment'."

"Oi – _you_!"

Folding up his newspaper, Saitou reached across the table and smacked Sanosuke gently with it. "Less talk, more eating."

"No – but seriously – you don' ever need to get a wife t' cook f'r you – you can cook better than a lo' 'f people!"

"I _already_ have a wife, idiot. Although she doesn't cook for me."

What.

Wait.

 _What?_

Sanosuke choked on his rice and his chopsticks fell from his hand. A throbbing pain from his lasting hangover rushed through his head. He stared up at Saitou and his grin trembled slightly. "Oi, that's a joke, right?" Why was everyone married these days? Why the fuck did it have to be Saitou – of all people!? He didn't even know why he was upset. But he was. Upset, that is.

"No," Saitou said, unfolding his newspaper and continuing to read, sipping his tea. "Why would I joke about that? Your ideas sometimes…"

"So you're… _Actually_ married?" Sanosuke asked again, his voice shaking almost imperceptibly.

Saitou gave him a look over the top of his paper again. "Yes."

"S-seriously?" the shake in his voice was more audible now.

"What _exactly_ is so hard to believe about my marital status?" Saitou asked with amusement.

"J-just… I dunno. You didn' really seem like the kinda guy who _would_ be," muttered Sanosuke. "…Heh… A-anyway – w-what kinda woman'd put up with _you_ , shitty cop?" His smile was fake and shaking.

Saitou looked at him. "That's rude," he snorted.

"S-sorry. Hah… O-okay that's cool…" Slowly, Sanosuke's smile continued to twitch. "O-oh," he said. Suddenly, he stood up. "Hey, I uh… I gotta… Gotta go, 'kay? Thanks f'r the food." Then he bolted. "See'y later!"

* * *

"Katsu-u…!" groaned Sanosuke. "Why do you never have any sake-e?"

Katsuhiro rubbed at his temples. "Because, Sano – you don't need to be drunk right now. You're supposed to be working now, anyway, right?"

"'S my day off…" A dejected heap on the floor, Sanosuke twitched slightly, looking up at Katsuhiro. "He's ma-arried… Why-y?"

"Himura Kenshin's wedding was more than half a year ago – actually, it was three quarters of a year ago," Katsuhiro said dryly. "I'm sorry about that, but-"

"Aw yeah, Kenshin's havin' a kid with Jou-chan, f'rgot t' tell you…" Sanosuke cut in, rolling onto his back. "I got drunk about _that_ last night."

Mentally bemoaning his friend's tendencies to get drunk 'about' things, Katsuhiro's eyebrows flew up into his hairline. He wondered how he could say it tactfully. "You seem… Pretty er… Chill about that."

Sanosuke sighed. "There ain't no helpin' it…" he muttered. "'S fate, I guess."

Katsuhiro's eyes looked as if they were about to pop from his skull and he scooted a little closer to where his friend lay on the floor. "You seem… Awfully, how do I say, ah – _relaxed_."

"'Bout Kenshin?" Sanosuke's brown eyes flicked up to Katsuhiro. "Yeah, 's weird, ain't it? I dunno how, I guess I somehow… Cried all the tears and sweated all the sweat I could there. Maybe I just gave up. I dunno." He sighed, laying on his side, turning away from Katsuhiro's curious gaze. "Weird, ain't it?"

"Weird," Katsuhiro agreed. There was a silence during which Sanosuke sighed occasionally and Katsu glanced at him apprehensively. Finally, brushing his hair back from his face and slamming his newspaper down, Katsuhiro could stand it no longer – and pushed Sanosuke so that the other would face him. "What the _hell_ is going on then?" he asked heatedly.

"I'm… Pissed off," said Sanosuke distantly, his eyes focusing on the ceiling. "…And I dunno why."

Katsuhiro was honestly ready to pull his hair out with impatience and shook Sanosuke by his shoulders. "About. What. Goddamn. It." he hissed.

"Saitou."

Sitting back on his heels, Katsuhiro shook his head. "Tell me, Sano," he said, his voice forcedly even and obviously so, "When have you ever _not_ been pissed off by this Saitou guy, huh?"

"Aw, this's diffren'," the spiky-haired man shook his head.

"Tell me everything," commanded Katsuhiro.

"Sure, man," Sanosuke said tiredly. "…So Kenshin an' Jou-chan said that they were gonna have a kid – Kenshin knocked Jou-chan up," he unnecessarily added, "An' I got super drunk. Prob'ly never been that drunk in my 'ntire life, an' that's saying somethin' y'know?" he shook his head. "'Nyway – I get super drunk, pick a few fights, y'know, the usual – an' somehow… I end up at the police station. I dunno how I got there or why."

Katsuhiro raised an eyebrow. "Because you wanted to cry into your best buddy Saitou's arms?" he asked sarcastically.

"Oi," muttered Sanosuke, "Sure, 's what ended up _happenin'_ but you don' gotta _say_ it like that. He's not my _buddy_."

Choking on nothing, Katsuhiro stared at his friend. "Hey, hey! You for real? You did _what_?!"

Sanosuke rolled his eyes and scratched the back of his neck, looking slightly embarrassed. "Yeah, I uh, remember huggin' the guy and bawlin' my eyes out, I think he might've hugged me back, too-"

"He _what_." Katsuhiro coughed.

Ignoring him, Sanosuke continued. "'Nyway, he takes me t' his place 'n lets me pass out there, 'pparently patches me up, too – I wake up rememberin' jack shit… He gives me breakfast an'…" his voice cracked slightly, his eyebrows drawing together and his mouth tightening. "He's _married_ ," he managed, looking sad and upset – dejected like a kicked puppy.

"You're in love with _Saitou_?" asked Katsuhiro incredulously, braking the long silence that stretched after Sanosuke's story.

"OI! _You_!" Immediately, Sanosuke began to deny it, waving his hands, looking horrified yet red-faced. "Man! _Katsu_! What is even _wrong_ with y- That's just… 'S just _ridiculous_! Haha – what the hell? You jokin'? 'S not too funny… Like his personality is so… _Twisted_ – I mean, he's a nice guy but he's real backhanded 'bout it. An' I guess he's really devoted to his job and it's _admirable_ an' shit but it's kinda a pain in the ass, y'know? He's a showoff but at the same time he can be really cool – an' that just pisses me off. Plus, he's super strong… But nah. N-not my type."

"Do you even _have_ a type?" Katsuhiro asked, laughing a little.

"Uh… I mean, I take 'em like I can get 'em, know what I'm sayin'? But if I had one, Saitou wouldn't be it. Plus, I'm really not into guys who kick my ass, and… Wait. Okay, but I'm really not into guys who… Guys who are Saitou! And like… It's not like… He's fuckin' _married_ , man…" He shook his head, beginning to look pensive, his denials fading away. "I'm not _into_ him into him. …I can admit… Well, I mean, he _is_ kinda hot, but…" He shook his head firmly. "No fuckin' way."

Now it was Katsuhiro's turn to sigh. "Sano…"

"Wha'?"

"I can't believe _I'm_ the one saying this, but you really _are_ an idiot sometimes…"


	5. Death Wish

Sanosuke fidgeted more than he usually did as he downed his large beef bowl which Saitou had began buying for him every night. "Oi," he said, breaking the silence.

Saitou looked up from his soba. "What?"

"You… When you faked your death, it was a government secret, right?"

"Yes."

"Did your wife know?"

At the strange question, Saitou looked carefully at Sanosuke. "…Yes," he answered slowly. "Why?"

"Just wonnerin'," muttered Sanosuke, looking away and beginning to stuff his face with beef again.

Saitou raised an eyebrow. "You've asked me oblique questions about my wife for _two months_ now that you've found out I have one," he said dryly. "I'm starting to think you have a fixation with Tokio."

Sanosuke continued eating. "Just wonnerin'," he repeated. "Her name's Tokio, she lives in Kyoto by herself, she's a capable woman, she's acted as your informant in the past…" muttered Sanosuke. "If such an interesting lady's your wife, I'd've figgered you'd talk more 'bout her."

"Oh for…" Saitou set his empty bowl down on the table with a _clack_ and his chopsticks on top of it with a _click_. He looked carefully at Sanosuke who still didn't look up and shook his head, lighting a cigarette. "Your obsession with my wife is getting weird, idiot."

"Just curious," muttered Sanosuke.

Saitou rolled his eyes and changed the subject. "Did you get your shoulder looked at yet?"

"Nah," Sanosuke said. "Didn' hurt that much."

Really, truly frustrated, Saitou glared at Sanosuke, who still wouldn't look at him, god damn it. There was a nasty cut on Sanosuke's shoulder which Saitou had told Sanosuke to bandage (and he had), but a doctor needed to look at it, to check for infection or even give him a few stiches.

And why?

All by himself, like the _stupid_ , brave idiot he was, Sanosuke had taken down an entire gang of anti-government plotters squatting in a warehouse after they kidnapped a girl, the daughter of a minor governmental secretary. Luckily, they didn't have guns or explosives, but they had knives and they had swords – one real and seven wooden. Sanosuke had managed to get the girl to escape, but he faced the whole gang by himself.

As soon as he heard what happened, Saitou was halfway there – and when he had arrived, he saw only a single swaying shape in white come out of the warehouse, with red stains all over. Sanosuke had staggered up to him, grinned at him as he wiped blood from his nose, then passed out. Twenty on one was never a good idea – especially when Sanosuke was still healing from a very similar fight a few weeks beforehand.

He had caught the injured young man as he fell – and for a moment, he really was frightened that Sanosuke had gotten himself hurt badly.

Saitou had chewed Sanosuke out just as he had before, well and truly, ignoring the other's hisses of pain as he thoroughly cleaned and bandaged the rooster-head's multiple wounds. He had told him exactly how irresponsible it was, how he was an idiot and that he had told him specifically _not_ to do that kind of thing last month and the month before. Did the idiot have a death wish? Saitou asked this, and Sanosuke looked away with a mumbled apology.

At that moment, there had been a painful stab and strange constriction in Saitou's chest. This idiot – _his_ idiot – was getting hurt and wouldn't tell him why. It annoyed him. It annoyed him so much that when it came to the interrogation of the warehouse gang, Saitou took great pleasure in 'questioning' them _very_ thoroughly. He had to buy a new pair of gloves afterwards and everyone at the station looked at him with even greater fear than usual.

Sanosuke had been distant and evasive, escaping from Saitou whenever he could, his crooked grin a shadow of what it usually was. _Something_ was bothering the young man, it was clear. And Saitou, damn him, was _worried_.

And so, when Saitou spoke again, his eyes were sharp and his voice also. "Look at me," he commanded.

Sanosuke looked up, surprise on his face. "Wassup?"

"You are an idiot," Saitou stated, "But you have some qualities that keep you from completely failing at life."

"The hell's _that_ supposed to mean?" Sanosuke laughed, but Saitou could see his heart wasn't in it. "Be careful you old wolf, that was almost a compliment!"

"I'm not finished. Recently, you've been even more reckless than usual. Taking on twenty armed men at once…" Saitou took a breath. "…You may have handled it _this_ time, but if you keep going this way, I'll find your dead body washed up on the banks of the river. I don't want that – I hired you, I need you alive."

"An' here I was, thinkin' you cared 'bout me," Sanosuke grumbled, laughing a little. Saitou _did_ care about him, but that would be a conversation for another time – if ever.

"I'm still not finished," Saitou said abruptly, and Sanosuke looked at him with even more surprise, his eyebrows drawing together. Before he could ask what was up, Saitou continued. "I have no idea what has gotten into you, but it's affecting your work, and it's affecting _you_. Whether it's the child growing in Battousai's woman, or anything else-"

"Look Saitou," Sanosuke interrupted. "I said I was fine! Kenshin's kid's got nothin' t' do with nothin'! Maybe you thought you were hirin' someone else, 'kay? But you hired me! _Me_! An' I'm an idiot – like you point out every five seconds! I'm a street-fighter! I fight stuff! 'S the only thing I'm good at – an' it's what I do! An', an' _you_ – what's _your_ damage, huh?! I did the job, if that's what you're worried 'bout! You buy me food, you patch me up, you act like you _care_ about me an' then…" he stopped, drawing his eyebrows together and not finishing. "…A-an' I'm goddamn _confused_ , 'kay?!"

"I hired you because you _were_ you. Because you were capable and because I knew you could handle it," Saitou growled. "You weren't like this before. What the hell happened? If it's not Battousai, what is it?" he let out a frustrated sigh and lowered his voice. "For some reason, I _do_ take care of you, and look at the thanks I get."

Sanosuke shut his eyes as if he was in pain. He looked down, away – and Saitou could see he really felt bad. "'M sorry, Saitou," he mumbled. "I just… I've been a bit weird lately an' I dunno how t' fix it. I-I'm workin' through some shit." He looked up, and his brown eyes seemed sad and confused. "I won't do anythin' stupid again, 'kay? 'S a promise."

Without realizing it, Saitou had reached across the table and ruffled Sanosuke's unruly hair for a moment. "I doubt that," he said, smiling very, very faintly.

Sanosuke looked up with an indignant squawk. "Oi!" but as soon as he saw Saitou's face, his eyes widened, he bit his lip and looked down. "Quit makin' weird faces, shit cop," he muttered, bringing a hand up to his head. "'S disturbin'."

Saitou snorted, his face turning into a normal annoyed smirk. "You go through ten facial expressions in five seconds, idiot – half of them make me wonder if you're actually sane. Do you have any right to judge?"

"That's just fuckin' _rude_! I got a great, handsome, sexy face, y'know!"

Saitou _did_ know, but he chose to stay quiet on that matter.

* * *

For three months after that, Sanosuke kept good on his promise and didn't do anything that Saitou would've deemed ridiculously stupid. One morning he had come in with dark glasses and a fake beard – but the beard was soon ripped off and the glasses stolen by Chou – who claimed that he looked better in them than Sanosuke could ever dream of. Sanosuke didn't think so, and Saitou thought the whole idea was stupid. He said so, to Sanosuke's whine and Chou's unabashed braying laughter.

Sanosuke's shoulder healed, leaving a scar, and he joked about having two matching ones on either shoulder, not seeing Saitou's eyes darken. Saitou watched Sanosuke when he passed by Kenshin and the rapidly expanding Kaoru in the marketplace – and he seemed very well settled, making all sorts of questionable jokes that left the ex-Battousai's ears red and Kaoru laughing for a little longer than was probably proper. He seemed alright.

As for the questions about his wife… To Saitou's relief and curiosity, Sanosuke stopped asking them – but he was still curious as to why on earth the rooster-head had found his wife so damn interesting. But then again, he thought back to Kenshin and Miso's reaction to the fact back at Shingetsu Village and thought that maybe among idiots, it was an inside joke.

There wasn't much to say about Saitou Tokio, or rather, _Fujita_ Tokio, really. She was a capable woman who occasionally dealt with police work. The last time they had seen each other was three years ago – and their marriage was arranged for both political and business reasons. He got along with her reasonably well. She was a bit prudish and didn't approve of heavy smoking or drinking – but not to the point of it being annoying.

Saitou was glad that Sanosuke had not drunk himself into oblivion so far. He didn't think he could stand the young man's shoulders shaking as he tiredly wept for a love that was never going to happen. It made something constrict in his chest and made him pissed off and sad at the same time. Oh, Sanosuke got tipsy sometimes, but it took a lot of drink – and he was pretty much the same, albeit louder and slightly more honest.

But on the fourth month – Sanosuke _did_ do something incredibly stupid.

They were in a warehouse, blockaded inside a back room – and surrounded. Why did bad things _always_ happen in warehouses? Saitou's jaw tightened with annoyance. "You," he glared at Sanosuke. "Was this your brilliant idea?"

"Hey, we can take these guys! They're pushovers!" Sanosuke laughed jabbing a thumb at the barricaded door. "Let's fight!" he grinned, knocking his fists together.

Saitou rolled his eyes. "There's fifty of them, idiot. Who knows if there's more nearby."

Chou looked at Sanosuke. "He's right," he said. "I counted. Fifty."

"Hey – I can take down twenty-five at _least_ ," Sanosuke said, ignoring the broom-headed man. "You can take… Twenty-five," he paused, "Which is the other half," he generously added, grinning at Saitou.

"Congratulations, idiot. You know what half of fifty is," dryly said Saitou.

"Oi, oi! No need to be an asshole!"

"Yo, what am I, huh? Chopped liver?" Chou's complaints reached deaf ears. "Pay attention to me, I'm try'na talk here!"

There was a loud crash against the door and Sanosuke grabbed another crate, blocking the door even further, and Chou leaned back, bracing his back against the blockade. Saitou looked at Sanosuke. "I'll deal with it from here. I'll leave you an opening to go to the station and request backup."

Sanosuke looked positively offended. "An' leave you here by yourself against fifty guys?! _Fuck_ no!" he stepped forward, his fist against his chest. "I'm not gonna do that!"

Saitou grabbed Sanosuke by the front of his jacket. "Sawagejou's here. You _will_ go," he growled. "You'll only get in the way."

"O-oi! I-I…" Sanosuke looked almost deflated, but he reared up. "…Fuck you! I can fight all _fifty_ of them at once and win!"

"You'll probably die – idiot," Saitou said through his teeth, his voice lowering.

"You might too!" yelled Sanosuke right back.

"I've lived-"

"Through more bloodshed than me an' Shinomori combined – blah, blah, blah, _blah_! I don' give a _single_ _fuckin'_ _shit_!" Sanosuke roared, grabbing Saitou by the front of his uniform jacket. "Don' pull that Shinsengumi bullshit on me! Last time I heard that – I thought you fuckin' _died_!" Sanosuke's voice cracked, "What th'hell am I supposed t' do 'f you go an' die on me _again_?!"

Were those tears in Sanosuke's eyes? Saitou was slightly taken aback by Sanosuke's outburst, the intensity and the raw sound of the other man's voice breaking. He grabbed his wrist as Sanosuke tried to shake him by the front of his jacket. "You… Sanosuke-"

"Yo!" Chou cleared his throat awkwardly, interrupting. "Yo, uh, I'm _not_ sorr' ta' innerrupt this here emotional conv'sation – did ya f'rget 'bout _me_? C'mon, ya guys! I got _no_ qualms leavin' the boss man b'hind – and I'm sure the Rooster can manage. You two can fight it out and then I'll come in with the cavalry, yo? Whaddaya say?"

There was another crash against the door and the sound of splintering wood. The door was not going to last much longer even with the blockade.

Saitou looked at Chou, who raised an eyebrow, shrugging – then back at Sanosuke, whose shoulders were heaving and jaw tight. Sanosuke looked at him. "Can't believe I'm sayin' this, but the broom's right. I can fight. I won' get in your way, I promise. I've gotten better, stronger!" The desperation on his face was clear.

Something in Saitou's chest twinged. His 'death' really had affected Sanosuke much worse than he had originally thought. He felt almost _bad_. Scratch that. He felt absolutely terrible. "If you die," he said sharply, glaring at Sanosuke, "I'm firing you." He turned to Chou. " _You_. We'll give you a chance to get through – you _better_ get the backup in."

Chou gave a mock salute, winking. "Roger, boss man."

Sanosuke's face relaxed slightly into its' usual grin. The look he gave Saitou was full of heartfelt gratitude and something else weird – and Saitou looked away, whether because it was slightly embarrassing or because he was about to fight – and looking into Sanosuke's eyes was something he could do later. Or maybe _think_ about doing later.

The crashing against the door had subsided and the three men exchanged looks. Then, Sanosuke leapt forward and slammed his fist into the barricade. " _Futae no kiwami_!" And the door exploded outwards, the crates all shattering and covering the floor with broken bottles of soy sauce.

Chou only paused to ask, "What the hell?" before running for the exit, launching a spinning kick at the one person who attacked him.

Saitou lit his cigarette and slowly drew his sword, stepping out to stand beside Sanosuke. "Twenty-five for me, rooster-head?" he asked. "You're not leaving me with much."

Sanosuke laughed. "Heh! Watch out, old wolf – otherwise you might be left with even less!"

The men in the warehouse all looked towards the two of them, drawing their weapons, surprise and shock on their faces. "There's only _two_ of them?" one asked incredulously. "What the hell kinda weapon did they use to open the door?" and "That guy's a cop!" and "What's Zanza doing here?"

Then, the leader, in a tacky, much too colorful kimono, pointed his tanto at the two men. "Guys! What are you even afraid of? There's _two_ of them! Go for it!"

The gang charged. Saitou smirked. Sanosuke leapt forward with a roar.

Saitou tried to be as non-lethal as he could, knowing that the chief didn't exactly like a pile of dead bodies. It was crazy, exhilarating and annyoing, being attacked from all sides at once – reminded him of the revolution. His smirk widened.

He could hear Sanosuke yelling in the background, his punches sending men flying through the air. As he lay a particularly good one on a huge man with a topknot and buckteeth, he met Saitou's glance and winked. "Don't get distracted, idiot!" Saitou called over the sound of the fray.

He didn't know whether Sanosuke heard him or not, but the dopily grinning younger man received a hit almost immediately from an average-sized man with a bokken. "Oi!" yelled Sanosuke at him, sending him off with a high kick. " _Jou-chan_ hits better than you!"

Saitou concentrated on his sword and began to move faster and faster as more and more came at him. There were more than fifty men, there must've been more in the adjacent warehouse that had come to join the fight. The fight was heating up and he could see Sanosuke's shoulders heaving as he hit a man in the gut, while simultaneously headbutting another. From behind, a man with a sword was going to attack. Saitou 'tch'ed, then heaved, bodily lifting a smaller man, then _throwing_ him at the man with the sword.

Sanosuke looked over. "Oi, I was handling it!" he yelled.

Saitou just rolled his eyes.

Sanosuke was bleeding and Saitou couldn't make out the damage too well, but he fought his way over, felling a man who came at him wielding two katana with one slash. Sanosuke grinned at him and they went back to back, giving back as good and better than they got.

Then, as Chou had put it – the 'cavalry' arrived. The fight was over and men lay unconscious on the ground around them. "You could've come a bit earlier, y'know!" yelled Sanosuke to Chou.

"Come on-n! I let ya guys have yer fun, ya should be thankin' me righ' now! It's not easy, gettin' these guys off their asses and gettin' them ta' run halfway 'cross town!"

Saitou barked out instructions to the police force – who to tie up out of the unconscious ones, who to immediately question out of the conscious ones, and check who was unconscious and who was dead. The leader lay on the ground, face down, his arms pinned underneath himself.

Saitou stepped back, grinding his cigarette under the heel of his boot into the floor. "You didn't die," he said to Sanosuke.

"You didn' have to _throw_ that guy!" Sanosuke retorted, then grinned, scratching the back of his head. "I was just getting started!" The young man was heavily leaning against the wall, a cut on the side of his face, a bloody hand over his side and a limp arm hanging from a bloody shoulder.

"You _almost_ died once."

"I wouldn'a died! I been through hella worse, an' look at me now! I'm feelin' _fi-ine_!" he winced slightly as he lifted his arm in a mock salute. His head was bleeding and he was limping slightly, but he was grinning.

"You're injured." Saitou's teeth gritted. "Go get medical attention."

"Big _deal_!" he paused, growing more serious. "Did I, uh… Get in your way?" he asked, looking away.

"No," Saitou said. "You…" he cleared his throat and avoided the younger man's eyes also. "You did well, considering you're an idiot."

"Thanks… I guess."

"Tch. Wasn't a compliment, idiot." Saitou still avoided Sanosuke's eyes. "Go. Stay in the police infirmary for a while."

"Uh… Hey, Saitou?" Sanosuke began to ask. "I, uh… I wanna say somethin'. …Well, it's kinda stupid but… Just don't, like… Get pissed at me – I know it's dumb – but it's been a few months an' I… Well I just wanna say somethin', you know how it is." Sanosuke swayed on his feet and blinked, seeming slightly disoriented for a moment. He stumbled, then shut his eyes for a moment, leaning his head back against the wall. "Y-y'know how it is," he repeated.

Saitou raised an eyebrow. "Hm?" Sanosuke seemed to be having a lot of trouble saying something.

"…The thing is… I uh, think I might've done something kinda dumb and uh… Well, just take it as a joke if you think it's dumber than _I_ think it is… The thing is I think I might've f-" Then his eyes widened as they focused on something behind him.

Saitou felt something was off. He reached for his sword, whipping around in a crouch, but Sanosuke had leapt in front of him.

Then there was a strange, loud sound.

Sanosuke _jerked_ strangely in mid-air, then slowly, too slowly fell backwards.

Saitou surged forward and caught him, looking at the spot of blood beginning to seep into the whiteness of his jacket.

Oh. That's what the sound was, Saitou thought as he saw the pistol in the now-conscious gang leader's shaking hands.

The policemen sprang into action, but Chou was quicker, kicking the gun from his hands and him in the head at the same time, heavily leaning on the man's back, twisting his arms at unnatural angles. "What the _fuck_ was _that_ , yo?! Use a _sword_ ya cowardly piece of _shit_! Ya just fuckin' _shot_ a guy – ya ain't gonna have it easy, _moth'fucker_!"

Saitou's teeth gritted and he looked down at Sanosuke, whose eyes were slowly closing. "Oi. Don't you dare die, you hear me?" he growled, his hands shaking slightly as he held onto the young man. "Sanosuke. Sano. Oi. Are you insane, idiot?"

Sanosuke grinned faintly, pale and sweating. "Son of a bitch…" he managed. "He… Got my shoulder. Fuckin' hurts like hell…." He looked up at Saitou with soft brown eyes that were somehow full of fire at the same time. "I'm… Not dyin' this easy… You… Worried?"

"Don't ask stupid questions," Saitou snapped through his teeth. "Don't you _dare_ die," he repeated, as if somehow that could make a difference.


	6. Shot, Stabbed, Poisoned - All at Once

A/N: Haha - okay, maybe I torture him too much here...

* * *

It hurt. Oh god. It fucking hurt so bad. _Everything_ fucking hurt. He gritted his teeth and yelled as something cold and metal began to prod at his shoulder. It was like he was on fire. His back arched and that hurt even more. Something hot and sticky ran down his arm and side.

Was that blood? Whose blood? His own?

Why was he bleeding?

"H-he's awake. _Shit._ I wanted to do this when he was unconscious! _Fuck_! …You! Hold him down," someone said. A woman. She sounded familiar and there was desperation in her voice. "I-I need your help. _Hold_ him." A gloved hand held his other arm down and his legs down on the table. "I need to get this out… It… The bullet didn't go straight through, it's still stuck somewhere… In-inside him."

"Do what you have to do, woman," someone growled. "You're the doctor here. _Fix_ him."

"Hold him down. Don't let him move." The woman's voice seemed to stiffen, now hard as steel.

A piece of wood wrapped in cloth was put in his mouth and he bit down reflexively, yelling around it as something was _inside_ his shoulder. Something dug around inside. He yelled and yelled until it was gone, that horrible pain of something being _dug_ out from his flesh. It hurt so fucking bad. He wanted to die.

But someone's voice, snarling, roaring out to him, it kept telling him, "Sano. Come on. It's almost over. You're strong. _Sanosuke_. Hold on. Hold on, Sano."

It was gone. It still hurt so fucking bad. The gag was taken from his mouth and his arm and legs were released. He panted, unable to move. The woman spoke again. She sounded so familiar. "He… He's lost a lot of blood, but he'll be okay after a while." Her voice was shaky and she sounded sad and worried and stressed out.

"How long?" the owner of the deep growling voice asked – Sanosuke noticed that the man also sounded worried. A gloved hand smoothed his hair back from his sweating face.

"A week at least for him to be able to walk, but slowly – for normal people. He… He might be better in five days – he recovers quickly, you know. But… I-I don't know. It's… It's _bad_. He's broken ribs, dislocated his shoulder, shot in the other one, someone cut his arm – and the knife… It must've been poisoned, a slow-acting one – I've given him an antidote but… He's still going to suffer. If he wasn't poisoned, he'd be already recovering, he wouldn't be in as much pain. …I-it's horrible…!" The woman's voice trembled and something warm and wet fell onto the back of his hand. There was a sniffing sound. "…I-I'm sorry. It's just… He's my friend…"

"It's fine," the man said. "…Understandable." A pause. "They will not die peacefully – I will make sure of it." Another pause.

"How did this happen?"

"A fight – crime ring. We were surrounded, there were more than fifty of them. We won, yet…" A deep breath, the gloved hand stroking his hair paused. "…It's my fault-"

"Don't blame yourself," the woman interrupted. "He's just… Stubborn. He fights and gets hurt… Gods know, I _want_ to be angry at you, but honestly, I can't. I can see that you hate seeing him get hurt, just like me – I understand you, I guess. He'll be alright. He's strong, he wants to live, I gave him the antidote in time, nothing vital was hit…" the woman sighed.

"…My thanks. Something like this will not be enough to break him." The man's voice was tired. "He _is_ strong," he repeated. "And _stupid_. Why would he-?" the man was interrupted again.

" _Because_ he's brave and strong and stupid – and he really cares about you," the woman said. "…He's always like this, rushing in, taking damage… Caring about other people more than himself. With Ken-san, it was more conscious, the almost… Well, _martyrdom_ , really. But with this dummy… He doesn't even think – it's like it's _natural_ for him _._ And I don't know what scares me more…" Her voice cracked a little. "He'll be alright," she repeated.

There was a silence, but the gloved hand continued smoothing his hair back, so gently. Sanosuke's eyes opened slightly. He saw a strange blurry shape, in dark blue with amber eyes. It leaned over him. Somehow, it was comforting.

His eyelashes fluttered, then he fell asleep.

He dreamed about Captain Sagara in a field of fireflies. He was looking into the distance, the wind blowing softly. Sanosuke called out to him and he turned and smiled. Then something _shifted_ there was a loud sound, a _gunshot_ – and he couldn't jump in front of him in time – and suddenly it wasn't Captain Sagara, it was simply his head, looking emptily and sadly down at the snowy ground. Through the bamboo fence, Sanosuke screamed. When he woke up, he was alone. He cried.

Somebody in gloves gently wiped his tears away with their thumb. Was it Captain Sagara? Captain Sagara's gloves were leather, though… Maybe he changed them. Wasn't Katsu talking about making him a new pair?

He fell asleep again.

He dreamed about a solitary figure in red-stained blue, smoking as huge hunks of rock fell around him, as the whole place burned and broke. How calm his amber eyes were when he looked at Sanosuke and how his smirk seemed so final. His words, strangely gentle, almost reassuring, but with that sarcastic, annoyed undertone – they stung. He _screamed_ , _roared_ , _threatened_ – but the figure turned away anyway – and he could do absolutely nothing as the flames closed over his shadow. When he woke up, someone had their gloved hand on the side of his face and another holding his hand.

The words he heard seemed strange and distorted as if coming from far away, from underwater and he could not see the face of the person leaning over him. Words floated to him hazily. 'Sanosuke' and 'Sano' and 'it was a dream' and 'calm down'.

He fell back asleep, feeling his own tears on his face, warm, then cold.

He woke up because a weirdly blurry figure in purple with long black hair was dripping liquid into his dry mouth from a cloth. "M I… Dead?" he managed to croak out.

The figure shook her head. "No, Sano. You're going to be alright, I'm giving you something for the pain. Y-you're going to be okay, you dummy…"

"His temperature's gone down?" there was a man's voice too.

The purple figure moved, maybe she was nodding. "It'll go up again, but then everything'll be over and it'll be out of his system."

"'F I'm… Not dead…" the words took such a long time to get out of his mouth. "S-Saitou…"

Another figure joined the purple one. This one was blue. Dark blue. "I'm alive, idiot," it said gently. A gloved hand reached up and gently reached out to stroke his hair. Oh, so that was Saitou. Saitou was being so nice… The other one... Must be Megumi. She must've patched him up.

He tried to smile. "Aw… Great… That's… Rea…lly grea…t… You…re… O…kay…"

He fell asleep again.

When he woke up, he couldn't move. Why the fuck couldn't he move?!

Was he dead?

But he still hadn't seen Kenshin's kid! He still hadn't paid his tab at the Akabeko! He hadn't told Saitou-

Saitou? Where was Saitou?

He was dying.

He wanted to see Saitou.

Damn Saitou! Why did he leave _again_?!

There was nobody anywhere. He was alone.

He didn't want to die alone!

Saitou!

"Oi. Idiot. I'm here. Rooster-head. Sanosuke. Sano! You're not going to die!" there were those gloved hands, holding him down. Was he moving? No. He couldn't move! "Stop _thrashing_. Sano. Sanosuke. You're not alone. I'm here. Are you listening? I'm _here_. You're going to be fine. I'm right here. Stop moving so much, you'll injure yourself more. You're not going to die. Sano. Sanosuke. Come on. I'm _here_." There was a frustrated growl. "That woman must've given you too much of the drug…"

Saitou? Was that Saitou? He relaxed slightly.

"Yes. It's me, idiot," his arms were released and a gloved hand began stroking his hair again. "It's me."

Saitou… Was Saitou okay?

A snort. "Of course."

That was good… Hey, he wondered, if Sanosuke died… Would Saitou put flowers on his grave?

" _No_ – because you're not _going_ to die. Don't talk like that," it was said sharply.

Was Saitou angry with him?

"For worrying me like that…" there was a sigh. "…No, I'm not angry with you."

That was good… He relaxed more. Sanosuke really loved Saitou. He really, really did. Did Saitou know that?

"You're delirious," there was another snort. "You're almost as pathetic as when you're drunk, spouting nonsense like that, idiot."

When Saitou called Sanosuke 'idiot', what he really meant was 'darling', right?

There was a very subdued, tired chuckle. "The day I call you 'darling', will be the day the world ends. …Idiot."

Would Saitou stay with him?

"Yes. I'll stay with you. Go to sleep, Sanosuke."

Sanosuke managed to smile and fell asleep.

* * *

When he came to again, he could see better.

He saw a tall shadow in blue with tense shoulders pacing around the room and smoking like a train. Megumi chased him out, waving her hands at him and saying something.

He fell asleep at some point and wasn't sure when he woke up, but he could hear crickets – and Megumi was changing the bandage on his shoulder. His mouth was dry and he felt dizzy, but he managed to speak. "Megitsune…"

His voice sounded weird and hoarse, even to him. "Don't talk, dummy," Megumi said to him, putting a cold cloth on his forehead.

"Saitou," he tried, but couldn't say any more.

Megumi shook her head. "He's very worried about you. He won't leave. _Refusing_ to leave, actually - and trying to smoke us all out with his cigarettes," she added wryly. "Drink." She put a cup to his lips.

Sanosuke drank and managed to smile. "I…" he forced more words out, it becoming easier after the drink. "Wanna… See 'im…"

Softly, Megumi smiled, nodding. "I understand. I'll get him in."

He felt better than before and when Saitou stepped in, he realized he could see very well. And he could see very well that Saitou looked kind of… _Strange_. He looked as if he hadn't shaven, hadn't slept and there was a cigarette butt hanging from his lips. There were bloodstains on his uniform.

"You look like shit," he said when he sat down at Sanosuke's bedside.

"Says you…" he winced. "How… Long's it… Been?"

"A night and a day."

"Wow… I'm… Kinda hungry…"

Saitou's face was blank, then the corner of his mouth twitched and he shook his head with a snort. "You really are an idiot, you know that?"

"Were you… Worried?" Sanosuke asked.

Saitou sighed, sitting back, not looking at Sanosuke. The angles of his face looked darker, more tired, older somehow. "…Worried you'd gone completely insane, yes," he finally offered with a snort.

"Huh?"

"You asked me if I'd put flowers on your grave," deadpanned Saitou. He lit a new cigarette and let out a stream of smoke, tiredly.

"You… You're making that up," Sanosuke spluttered. There was no way he had said something like that, was there? He remembered vaguely a few things. But were they real?

Saitou looked at him, raising an eyebrow. "No, I'm not. You said a lot of interesting things. I won't repeat them because you'll probably die of embarrassment."

"Did _not_." Sanosuke knew for a fact that he _had_ , but damn, he had an image to uphold.

Saitou shrugged and there was silence that Saitou was the one to break, oddly enough. "...You promised me you wouldn't do anything stupid."

"How th' hell am I… Supposed t' know what's stupid… 'Ccording t' _you_?" Sanosuke retorted.

" _This_ qualifies," Saitou said. "Don't do anything like this ever again, understood?"

Sanosuke frowned. "But…" he mumbled. "If someone's pointin' a gun… At you… The fuck _else_ 'm I supposed t' do?"

Saitou didn't answer for a while. "…Not that," he said finally.

"Oi… You _could_ jus' say 'thanks'…" Sanosuke muttered.

"You could've _died_."

"But I didn't. I more or less figgered… It wouldn' hit me anywhere vital."

"'More or less' isn't good enough!" Saitou's eyes were blazing.

* * *

This wouldn't have happened if, last year, Saitou hadn't offered Sanosuke a job. It wouldn't have happened if Saitou hadn't gotten so close to the rooster-head. It wouldn't have happened if he had just put his foot down and had fought alongside Chou – not Sanosuke – in the warehouse. It wouldn't have happened if he hadn't turned his back on the enemy, like an idiot.

He _knew_ Sanosuke was the kind to take hits. He didn't do defense. Unlike Chou, who had a crazy number of weapons on hand, Sanosuke fought with utter disregard for his own body. Saitou _knew_ this, damn it.

Whichever way he cut it – it was Saitou's fault that Sanosuke got shot.

And the way the idiot was reacting to his concern was infuriating.

"Oi… You _could_ jus' say 'thanks'…" Sanosuke muttered.

"You could've _died_." His jaw tightened.

"But I didn't. I more or less figured… It wouldn' hit me anywhere vital."

"'More or less' isn't good enough!" Saitou's eyes were blazing.

"Hey-"

"You were poisoned. Stabbed. Cut. You didn't need to take a shot."

"I was poisoned?"

"This idiot." Saitou looked up at the ceiling and blew smoke out in an exasperated sigh. " _Yes_. The cut on your upper arm." He was getting angrier and angrier. "…Even the damn broom-head thought you were going to die. Your lady doctor friend was _crying_ when she took the hunk of lead from your shoulder. Even _you_ thought you were going to die when you were lying there, screaming from the drugs and the pain."

"Did you?" Sanosuke looked up at Saitou. "Think I was gonna die," he added.

Saitou took a breath. "… _I_ didn't. You're strong. I knew you would be able to survive such a thing. …But you're an idiot." He glared at Sanosuke. "You fight with utter abandon. _Defense_. I told you about it so many times, yet you say-"

"'S not my style."

"You just proved my point, idiot," Saitou said. "This isn't _efficient_. Your injuries are _such_ that-" when he looked at Sanosuke, he couldn't believe it.

Sanosuke was _smiling._ He stretched out his least damaged arm and with his hand in a loose fist, tapped Saitou's shoulder. "Aw. C'mon, Saitou. Just say it. Y'were worried 'bout me. I'm pretty sure you stayed by m'side the whole time, right? When I was uh… 'Screamin' with drugs 'n pain' or whatever. I'm… Not 'xactly sure how much 'f it was real or not, but… You were there. An'… Thanks f'r that, y'know? Thanks…"

Saitou said nothing to that, continuing to smoke and not looking at Sanosuke. He stood up and strode from the room, his jaw tight and his eyebrows drawn together. "…You," he said after a while, "As your employer, I expressly forbid you from doing anything like that ever again."

There was a laugh from the bed and Saitou whipped around to glare at Sanosuke. "Well, shit, man. Guess you're gonna have t' fire me." He shook his head, still grinning. "'M I givin' you premature gray hairs from all that worryin' or somethin', you old wolf?"

The cigarette in Saitou's fingers snapped before he could smoke it. "You realize," he growled, "However much you wish to deny it and however much you wish to be independent and shrug off the worry of your comrades – there _will_ be people who care about you. And when you do something so ridiculously _stupid_ and get hurt," Saitou stepped forward, "These people get really, really pissed off at you." He stepped forward again. "Do you understand?" he glared at a baffled Sanosuke, speaking through his teeth. "I am really, _really_ pissed off at you."

Sanosuke bit his lip and looked down, then looked up to meet Saitou's gaze with his burning eyes. "If you want me t' unnerstand that – then how the fuck can you ask me not t' try an' stand 'n front 'f a weapon that's pointed 't you?! If it was _you_ who was lyin' here 'stead 'f me – what th' hell d'you think I'd be sayin' t' you right now, huh?! You! Do you even _get_ it?! You might be a lone wolf 'f Mibu or whatev'r the hell – but for better or f'r worse – I'm gonna…" he shut his eyes for a moment, his hand going to his shoulder. "…I'm still gonna hang 'round you an' be a pain in the ass, 'kay?!"

"First of all – _I_ wouldn't be lying there – because _I_ know _defense_. Second of all, have you _seen_ yourself? You-"

"If you took the shot – your fuckin' _wife_ 'd be bawlin' her eyes out!" Interrupted Sanosuke. "I did you _both_ a favor!"

"Stop bringing up my goddamn wife, idiot! My _wife_ and I have not spoken for three years and I doubt she would weep over a minor injury to her _business partner_ ," Saitou snapped, then paused. "…What _is_ it with you and my wife?"

"Minor injury?! That there was a motherfuckin' _gun_!" roared Sanosuke with more energy that Saitou would've guessed he had. Then he paused. "…Wait. What? …Oh I, uh… Really? 'S that how it is? Well, shit, I'm uh, Sorry 'bout that…"

Saitou looked at him. "You're grinning."

"Am not!"

"Your interest in my wife is-"

The door opened and Megumi entered, a very annoyed facial expression. "You two!" she barked. "Stop arguing!" The two men looked at her with varying degrees of surprise and slight fear. She jabbed a pointing finger at Saitou. " _You_ , delinquent cop _Fujita_ , I let _you_ stay because you were worrying yourself sick about this dummy and trying to smoke us all out with your tobacco – don't overstay your welcome and overexcite him when he just woke up! He needs calm, otherwise he'll get up, start fighting you, and the stitches will rupture and god knows what else! Yes – he jumped in front of a gun for you! It already happened and you can't undo it!" She turned to glare at Sanosuke. "As for _you_ – he's right. _Try_ not to do anything dumb like that again – because you might not make it next time. I've had Ken-san almost die on me, I don't need to add _you_ to the list." She took a step back and looked at them both. " _Understood_?"

Sanosuke saluted from the bed. "Ma'am, yes ma'am!"

Saitou nodded.

Megumi nodded too, in approval. " _Good_. And honestly, sometimes I wonder about you two's sanity..." she muttered, more to herself than the two of them.

As the door swung shut behind her, Sanosuke looked at Saitou. Saitou shrugged. "That woman could give Hijikata a run for his money."

"I'm not 'xactly sure what Hijikata was like – but she sure could."

"Idiot."

There was a silence. "Hey, shitty cop?" Sanosuke ventured. "You wanna uh, well, when I get better, like next week or somethin' – wanna grab some dinner? I'll uh, pay. I got cash. An' uh, afterwards, maybe there's a play… Well, Katsu wouldn't shut up 'bout it… Maybe we could go see that? Y'know. Just f'r fun. I dunno. It's dumb but- Ah, just… Wha'cha say?"

Saitou almost laughed, then agreed then and there, but he had an image to uphold. "…Tch. I suppose. As long as it's nothing ridiculous," he said quietly, trying to sound more annoyed than he was.

"Oi, oi! It's _Katsu_ 's pick – an' he's classy as fuck! He's an _artist_!"

"And a demolitions expert." Saitou snorted.

"Okay, he blows stuff up sometimes – but he knows all sort's shit 'bout art!" argued Sanosuke.

"Hm. …I suppose I'll have to trust in your friend's judgement," Saitou said wryly.

"'S that a yes?"

"What the hell do you think it is, idiot?"

"You 'mbarassed?"

"Not on your life."

"You a-are!"

"I'm going to be the _adult_ in this conversation and simply not say anything."

"Oi, you sayin' I'm a kid?"

"You act like one."

"Well _you_ act like an asshole."

"As you never cease to remind me. Can you not get a little more creative with your insults?"

"Says _you_ – callin' me 'idiot' an' jack shit else – maybe I wanna be insulted creatively too! You ever thought 'bout that, huh, Saitou?"

Saitou looked at Sanosuke. The 'angry' face on the younger man didn't last and turned into a large grin, and – Saitou couldn't hold back a snort, which turned into quiet laughter. Sanosuke let put a raucous laugh and then winced, looking down at his ribs.

"Idiot," Saitou said.


	7. Serious-looking and Very Hot

When his boss was chain-smoking with a look on his face that said, 'I'm going to fucking kill you if you even _look_ at me wrong', Chou tried to stay away from him. It was simple self-preservation. On those days, he tried to make up any excuse possible to be anywhere _but_ the office, preferably anywhere but the _station_.

Today, however… It was different. Chou was trying to be more helpful and a hell of a lot nicer – or something like that. He felt kind of _bad_ for Saitou (if he said anything like that out loud, he knew he would find himself pinned to the ceiling with a sword through his middle) – and slightly guilty himself. If he had switched places with Sanosuke in the warehouse, probably no-one would have been shot. So, today, Chou was trying to be less of a pain in the ass than usual – to the best of his ability.

So there he was, entering the office (and opening the door manually instead of kicking it open, like he usually did) – and seeing his super intense boss, smoking and writing something, doing both extremely aggressively.

He took a deep breath. This was going to be a long day. "Yo there, boss!" he chirped. "Terrible fuckin' day, ain't it?"

Saitou did not grace Chou with an answer – and the look he gave him would have sent a less brave (or smarter) person scuttling away, afraid for their lives. Chou was neither lacking in courage, nor mentally deficient – and yet was not discouraged. "So, uh," he said, keeping the cheer in his tone, "Any paperwork ya wan' me ta' do?"

With a monosyllabic sound, Saitou pointed at a stack of papers on a chair beside the clock. Chou forced himself to smile and nodded. "That, yo? Cool, cool… Sure thing, boss, I'm on it."

He almost groaned out loud at the size of the stack, but repressed the sound and uncomplainingly sat down at his desk outside Saitou's office. It had been two days since the incident in the warehouse – and from what Chou had seen of Sanosuke – there was absolutely nothing to worry about. Chou wished _he_ could bounce back as easily rooster-head, being stabbed, apparently poisoned, and then shot (he wasn't even going to mention the broken ribs and all the huge bruises and various cuts) – but two days later, sitting and stuffing his face, laughing, and trying to sneak out to run around again… What kind of resilience did this guy _have_ , honestly?

Chou finally allowed himself a sigh and began to write. He found himself wondering about Sanosuke and Saitou, what they could possibly have between them. Sure, it was obvious that the boss cared a hell of a lot about the rooster-head. The guy was _whipped_. Chou never thought that the term could apply to Saitou, of all people, but it only seemed appropriate. Chou knew all about the little dinner dates the two had going – and even when the two bantered and argued, hell, even when they were throwing punches… There was _something_ there. What was that word? Chou wondered. Oh, right – sexual tension. _That_ was it (unless he was misreading the situation – which he wasn't).

Was it just a really weird friendship? Maybe – but Chou would be damned if there wasn't something else a hell of a lot more interesting going on underneath all that. After all, he had heard Sanosuke bringing up Saitou's wife _much_ too often for it to be a coincidence.

No, Chou's theory was that they were in love with each other – hardcore – and were too stubborn, dumb, conflicted, or way too far down 'denial alley' to admit it to the other. Or maybe they were _already_ together and that was just how they got along in public.

Sure, calling each other names and trying to fight each other all the time didn't sound like a thing that people who were in love did. But, Chou mused, love was different for everyone – and the gentle way Saitou called Sanosuke 'idiot' meant that things were a bit more complicated than that. His boss just _didn't_ look that way at people – until Sanosuke showed up in the picture – and Chou no longer needed to look anywhere else for his daily dose of entertainment.

Entertainment, that is – until some idiot went and turned it into a near-tragedy. Sure, the balls it took to just do that without thinking – Chou grudgingly admired that courage and the crazy mindset it took to do that. But it was a damn bad idea.

Because Chou also had a large, yet grudging respect for his boss's fighting and 'not dying' skills – and he could tell that Saitou would have gotten out of that – maybe not easily – but he would have at least avoided the bullet hitting him anywhere important.

He had seen Sanosuke at the Oguni clinic a day after he got shot. Upon finding the door to where Sanosuke was being 'kept' he was about to kick it open, when he was stopped by a serious-looking, _very_ hot woman in purple, with long shining black hair. "Wait," she said seriously and very hot-ly, with long shining black hair. "Please have a seat."

She sat at a desk and Chou took a seat in a chair, sitting backwards in it, straddling it and facing her, his arms folded over the back. "Yo, I'm Sawagejou Chou – at yer service – how may I be of help to this lady doctor?" he asked, grinning at her in what he hoped was a way she liked.

"Takani Megumi," the woman offered with none of his enthusiasm. "I simply wanted to ask you a few questions."

Chou tried a different grin. "Fire away, Megu-chan! Uh… Can I call you that?"

Takani Megumi looked flatly at him down her nose, with eyes that were so cold they could've frozen fire. "No."

"Uh, okay – uh, that's cool. I was just jokin' anyway, Takani-sensei!" a bead of sweat rolled down the side of Chou's face.

Megumi leaned back in her chair and folded her arms, looking at him with a level of dry amusement that could've rivalled Saitou. "I will first explain the extent of his injuries, then, Sawagejou-san – I want you to tell me everything – what led to that dummy-" she paused, " _Sanosuke_ – getting his injuries."

"Aw." Chou winced slightly and drew a bit of air in through his teeth. "Didn't the boss tell ya?"

Brushing her dark hair back with a graceful pale hand, Megumi sighed with slight annoyance. "Sanosuke had broken a rib, bruised the rest, took many abrasions and cuts, one of which was caused by a knife with poison on it. He then was hit in the shoulder with a bullet. Saitou-san told me a very cursory and ridiculously brief version of the story, then went on to blame himself. I want to hear what happened from you."

"Aw, I see how it is," Chou nodded. "Well, I mean, honestly there ain't much ta' say, ya know? We were in a warehouse and surrounded by a bunch of asshol- I mean, _guys_ – and those two go up against all fifty-somethin' of 'em while I go get some backup. 'S it."

"Was that all?" Megumi looked down at him.

Chou paused. "Oh yeah, by the way, before they started the fightin', they were arguin' 'bout who was gonna stay and who was gonna go. The boss didn't want the rooster-head ta' get involved too bad – but Rooster gets hella emotional, sayin' he don' wanna leave the boss ta' die again and stuff – and then the boss gets kinda emotional too…" Chou paused at her incredulously raised eyebrow. "Well, like, not ' _emotional_ ' emotional – I meant like, emotional for _him_. His face kinda twitched and he made that 'I'm lookin' pissed off but I'm actually emotional' face, ya feel me?"

"Ah," Megumi nodded. "Thank you for clarifying."

Chou grinned. "I love clarifyin' stuff, Takani-sensei – if ya wan' me ta' clarify more stuff, jus' tell me – I'm your man. …Anyway, so he gets 'emotional' and finally agrees – seein' as he felt bad for the rooster-head feelin' bad 'bout him fakin' his death a few years ago – ya get me?"

Slowly nodding, Megumi looked at Chou. "And then?"

"Well, I got my ass over ta'- I mean, I uh, _ran_ ta' the police station fer backup and then went back and made a hell of a lot of arrests," Chou recounted. "The Rooster's lookin' pretty beat up, all abrasioned and all that stuff you said – and he was talkin' ta' the boss – looked important, too – and then…" he winced. "Well, honestly, it was kinda my fault for leavin' the knocked-out guys without supervision and shit – but a guy pulls a gun in the boss and… Ya get it. That dumbass just jumps right in front. Boss-man had his hand right on the hilt of his sword, too…"

"What happened then?" Megumi asked.

"I fuckin' _destroyed_ the guy who-" Chou paused. "Uh, 'scuse my language and all, by the way…"

Megumi smiled a little, shaking her head and Chou kind of stared at her in amazent at that moment. "Believe me, being around the rooster-head has significantly increased my tolerance for impropriety."

"Oh," intelligently said Chou. "Wow," he added, smiling in a dopey way. "Impropriety, huh. Yo, that's pretty… Uh, cool. Yeah. Pretty cool. Yeah. ...Impropriety."

Arching a slightly amused, perfectly-shaped eyebrow at him, Megumi expectantly looked at him. "You were saying?"

Chou blinked and returned to reality. "Oh, yeah, right… Yeah – so I take down the asshole with the gun – meanwhile the boss's freakin' the fuck out and the Rooster's bleedin' in his arms. Ya know… I ain't _never_ seen the guy look so freaked out and I'm like, 'yo, what the fuck what's up, boss, is he dead?' And he's like, 'yo shut the fuck up, no he's not – take care of all this shit,' and I'm like, 'yo boss, on it, a-okay'." He shrugged. "I blinked and they were gone, ya know? The boss got him over ta' yer place – and ya know what happened after that better 'n me."

"I see…" Megumi said, one hand supporting her chin and another wrapped around herself as she thought. "And you've come to visit him now, I suppose?"

"Yeah," Chou said, "I actually also gotta find the boss, seein' as he's gotta make a report and shit- I mean, _stuff_. Figgered I'd find him here with the rooster-head, if anywhere, ya feel me?"

"He is indeed here, Sawagejou-san. He has, in fact, refused to leave," Megumi said. "It can't be good for him, really – I do appreciate his care for Sano, yet he cannot expect to _live_ here while that dummy remains incapacitated. As of now, Saitou-san has no intention of leaving – and I was hoping you would coerce him into doing so, somehow."

Chou spread his arms. "Yer talkin' to the right guy – I fuckin'- I mean _freakin_ ' – _love_ coercin' people. 'S a matter of fact, 's my absolute fav'rite thing ta' do, ya know? I'm real good at it – so I'll coerce the hell outta anybody for ya – just lead the way!" He grinned in what he hoped was a winning way. Shit, he was coming across as too eager, wasn't he.

The slight laugh from Megumi made him grin even wider and forget any negative thoughts. "I will take you up on that, Chou-san."

Take me up, take me down- Ohhoh _whoa_ , went Chou's train of thought. Then he corrected himself and grinned again. "Sure thing!"

"I want you to answer another question for me before you go in."

Chou grinned. "Answerin' questions's totally my fav'rite thing ta' do, didn'cha know that, Megumi-sensei? Go fer it!"

Megumi smiled slightly again. "Are your boss and Sano close? What kind of relationship do they have?" She paused. "I realize it's none of my business – but he's my friend too, and since Saitou-san is going to be in danger again and Sano, too-" she cut herself off. "I haven't really spoken with Saitou-san very often, I ah, never liked him, seeing as his introduction was less than… Well, he attacked that dummy rooster-head, then Ken-san – but just now, I saw that they were very close, so I was just wondering…"

"Megumi-sensei?" Chou grinned, "Can I tell ya somethin'?" He scooted his chair closer and leaned in conspiratorially over her desk. "I _lo-ove_ gettin' up in people's business – 's why I'm so good at my job." He lowered his voice to a whisper. "Brace yerself – this might sound damn crazy…" he added a pause for dramatic effect, "I think they're 'n _love_ with each other. Romantically," he clarified at her lack of response. " _Hella_ romantically."

Somehow, the reaction be got from Megumi was not as intense as he had expected. She simply looked at him with narrow eyes, trying to decide whether he was trying to make a joke – then shrugged and nodded. "I suppose that could be it."

Chou was slightly taken aback. "Yo, I figgered ya were gonna be more surprised," he admitted.

Megumi looked at him with something like mischief on her face – and Chou realized why Sanosuke always called her a 'fox-lady'. He also realized that she wasn't just _very_ hot – she was _extremely_ hot. "It's going to take a lot more than that to surprise me at this point, Chou-san." She stood. "I would advise you to be discreet, but... In a poison-filled daze, calling hopelessly out for Saitou-san – Sano was comforted, as Saitou-san stayed by his side the entire time…" she raised an eyebrow and lowered her voice leaning slightly towards Chou, "…Caressing his hair all the while, may I add."

" _Caressin_ '?! It's _caressin_ ' now?! _Shit_ , no wonder ya weren't surprised," Chou said. "I mean 'shoot'," he quickly amended.

She let out a small sound that sounded like a laugh as she turned away and beckoned for him to follow her. "Time for you to prove good on your claim of being good at coercing people."

Trying to make his steps as silent as the gracefully gliding Megumi's, Chou curiously followed her. Apparently, he had been at the wrong door before – and when Megumi stopped in front of the right door, she turned to him with a slim finger over her red lips. "Shh," she said, the corners of her mouth turning slyly upwards.

Chou gulped, then nodded.

Very quietly opening the door, Megumi and Chou peeked around it. A bandaged Sanosuke lay on a cot, snoring gently. A very tired-looking Saitou sat sprawled in a chair nearby, an unlit cigarette hanging from his fingers.

Exchanging glances with Megumi, Chou resisted the urge to break out in triumphant laughter. He was like a scientist who had just found his theory proven right. As soon as the door opened, however, Saitou's eyes snapped open and focused on the two at the door. He carefully stood and crossed the room. He nodded at Megumi, then turned to Chou. "You. Tell them I'll be back tomorrow."

"Yo, _boss_ , c'mon-n. Everyone's been _worried_ 'bout you and shit-"

Saitou gave him a flat look. "First of all, everyone knows better than that – second, keep your voice down."

"Huh?"

"The idiot's finally sleeping. Take _your_ idiocy somewhere else."

There was a slight laugh from the room. "Oi, oi! You guys – I'm not sleepin', just relaxin' – I'm hungry as hell…!"

Saitou rolled his eyes and turned back. "You _just_ ate – how are you hungry?"

Megumi smiled. "He may be a rooster-head, but he has the metabolism of a goat."

"Oi!" complained Sanosuke.

"That was a good one, Megu- I mean, Takani-sensei!" Chou grinned. He dodged Saitou and entered the room, sitting down on at the foot of Sanosuke's bed. "Yo, Rooster – how ya doin'?"

Sanosuke grinned back. "Not too bad, Broom."

The glare that he received from Saitou seemed to make the air between them sizzle. "He doesn't like it when I says I'm fine," Sanosuke said in a stage whisper to Chou. "But hell, I'm actually feelin' pretty good for a guy what's just been shot an' whatever the hell."

Chou laughed. "What the hell're ya _made_ of, yo? 'Ccordin' ta' Takani-sensei, ya broke ribs, got stabbed, cut up and shit – got poisoned on top of it all, too!"

"What can I say, Broom? I'm just _that_ awesome!" laughed Sanosuke. "Hell, by t'morrow, I'll probably be feelin' good enough to be runnin' 'round and doin' stuff again!"

" _No_ , you dummy – do you have any idea-"

"Idiot, are you _insane_ -"

Saitou and Megumi had both cut themselves off and glanced at each other – turning their glares on the laughing Chou and Sanosuke.

And since then, Chou knew three things. One – Sanosuke was doing a hell of a lot better than he thought. Two – Saitou had a heart – and possibly had a thing with the rooster-head. Three – Chou desperately _needed_ to have another chat with Takani Megumi.

* * *

Sanosuke couldn't stay in that goddamned bed for any longer. Two days was _surely_ enough time for him to get up and start _doing things_ without like, he didn't know, _dislocating an arm_ or whatever the hell Saitou and Megumi thought he would do if left up to his own devices. He might've liked fights but he wasn't _that_ dumb. He huffed, wincing as he brought up an arm just to scratch the back of his neck.

The _one_ (or two, if he wanted to be technical about it) good things about all this – he supposed – were the admissions from Saitou. One – he _cared_. Two – he would go on a date with hi- Sanosuke slapped himself. _Not_ date with him.

…And oh wait, shit – _three_ admissions! The whole 'wife' thing wasn't actually as much of a thing as he had thought it was!

Sanosuke nodded, ginning to himself. He seriously needed to get shot more often – maybe Saitou would _kiss_ him next time. He snorted at first, then explored the idea and found himself less amused than very interested in having that played out.

Of course, he'd rather _not_ get shot to get kissed, if it was all the same to Saitou – but if things went well, maybe he could plan on a good-night kiss after the da- _Not_ date.

Sanosuke wondered what Saitou thought it was. A guys' night out? A 'we're not dead' celebration? Or was he-?

He cut himself off again, the grin on his face fading slightly. What would _really_ suck, he thought, was falling for the guy – betting his all – then getting unintentionally shot down and realizing that there was never any interest in him that way in the first place. Kind of like what happened with Kenshin – and like what Sanosuke thought was the deal with Saitou up until recently (the information that he had a _wife_ – right on the day he realized he'd fallen for the asshole).

So, a _second_ time, getting his hopes up and then crushed – it would be a real pain in the ass, to put it mildly. Especially now that he was a hell of a lot closer to Saitou, _working_ for the guy and all.

His thoughts were interrupted by someone knocking on, then opening the door. "Hey Sano," Katsuhiro said, his hooded eyes wary, scanning Sanosuke's bandaged body and pensive expression. "Heard you got yourself shot. How're you doing?"

"Well," Sanosuke said, breaking into a grin, "I cert'nly can say I've been better – and I've def'nitely been a hell of a lot worse!"

Katsuhiro seemed to relax at that, pulling up the chair in which Saitou had been sitting yesterday and sitting in it himself. "Takani-sensei," he said, jabbing his thumb back over his shoulder as if to indicate the fox-lady doctor, "She said you're banged up pretty badly."

"Like I said, I could be worse," Sanosuke said shrugging then wincing at the pain it gave him.

Shaking his head, Katsuhiro folded his arms. "You know, word's out on the streets you and one other guy managed to take down that smugglers' group all by yourselves…" Searching for the name, Katsuhiro tapped his chin with an ink-stained hand. "Oh, can't remember their name, but they smuggled drugs and shit – and ran a soy sauce business on the side." He shrugged, then glared at Sanosuke. "Before you decide to do some crazy shit like that, you better tell me – I'll make you some bombs!"

"Thanks, man," Sanosuke said earnestly. Shamefaced, he scratched the back of his head. "Actually, the whole thing was by accident – we were stakin' them out – but the Broom was bein' an asshole and we kinda… Well, we had to barricade ourselves in the back room while fifty-somethin' of 'em were on our asses."

Katsu's lips were tight with disapproval. "Takani also told me you jumped in front of some guy to take the shot."

" _Some guy_?" Sanosuke snorted. "Ain't _she_ one for the details…" He shrugged, avoiding Katsuhiro's eyes. "It was Saitou. Some asshole punk pulled a gun an' I just jumped. Didn't think. Just did it." He looked at Katsuhiro again, serious. "Oi, just… Don't gimme shit for it, 'kay?"

Looking as if he was biting back a statement, Katsuhiro lifted up his hands and shrugged. "Fine. Just don't die. Whatever dumb shit you do, _don't die_." He glared at Sanosuke. "If you die, I won't forgive you. Captain Sagara gave you a life – don't waste it."

Sanosuke nodded. "I won't waste it," he said solemnly.

"You're my bloody goddamned best friend," Katsuhiro grumbled, not done, "And if you die, I'm running my ass down to hell and killing you again for dying, then again for not paying me back for however much the funeral costs."

Smiling, Sanosuke reached out a fist – waiting for Katsuhiro's sigh, small smile – bumping him back with his own fist. "Same here, Katsu, man."

"Hey, _I'm_ the one living a quiet artist's life-"

"Yeah, 'bout as quiet as the _explosions_ you make," retorted Sanosuke with a grin.

Katsuhiro sighed. "Don't remind me…" he groaned. "My landlady thinks I'm a _scientist_ , can you believe?" He looked flatly at Sanosuke. "And I can't exactly tell her, 'I'm making bombs' – can I?"

"Oh, isn't she the super horny old lady who won't get off your ass?" Sanosuke asked.

Shuddering, Katsuhiro nodded. "She's had _four_ husbands – and I've met two of them during the few years I've lived there. Now that she's single again – she thinks _I'm_ up for the job. And she flirts with me all the bloody time – and I can't do anything about it, because I don't want to be kicked out."

"Poor you, man." Sanosuke shook his head. "The thing 'bout _me_ is my landlady hates my guts – an' I can't pay my rent half the time. So if I _do_ get kicked out – at least it's for kinda legitimate reasons." He sighed. "Oh, by the way, that play you were rantin' an' ravin' 'bout last week…" He snapped his fingers, trying to remember. "The arty one."

Rolling his eyes, Katsuhiro nodded. "So? What about it"

"I _think_ I might've asked Saitou out on a date to see it."

There was a silence.

"You _what_?!"

" _Might_ 've."

Katsuhiro began to laugh. "Well, you two… Oh god…" he laughed again, "…Are in for a ride. It's not exactly the kind of play you take a date to see – but hey, if Saitou's cultured enough to appreciate it, I give you my permission to date him."

"Since when do I need your _permission_?" incredulously asked Sanosuke.

"Since you have terrible taste and luck with falling for people," blandly said Katsuhiro.

Another silence.

"I mean, _true_ ," admitted Sanosuke, "But you don't gotta _say_ it."

"It's called 'tact'," Katsuhiro smiled, "And I don't have it."

"No, you don't."

"…Neither does your Saitou though, does he."

"Oi, oi! He's not _my_ Saitou."

"Not for long, though, if you have your way, right?"

* * *

A/N: Why Chou/Megu? Honestly, I don't really know myself. I thought it would be a funny pairing at first - then I was like, 'what if...' ...And then my imagination ran away with me.

Thanks for reading!


	8. Probably Not a Date

A/N: Yo, it's been a while, huh? I'm really bad at updating - sorry guys! m(_ _)m

* * *

Saitou lit a cigarette and looked at Chou with suspicion over the top of the sheaf of papers he was holding. That broom-head had been acting strangely nice to him for the past week – and it was starting to creep him out. "Anythin' else ya want me t' do, boss?" asked the blond-haired man with a grin that seemed to stretch his face a little too much. Case in point.

"No," Saitou said. "Go home."

"Okay-dokey!" chirped Chou.

Snorting, Saitou eyed him. " _That's_ new."

Chou's grin fell for a moment and he glared. Then the grin was plastered to his face once more and he made a 'thumbs-up' gesture. "Yeppers!"

"Have you hit your head?" asked Saitou bluntly.

"Nope!"

"Your cheerfulness makes me want to stab you more than I usually do," he said, going back to his paperwork. "Did you collect large winnings in a gambling den?"

"No – I'm just bein' my usual nice-guy self." Chou grinned, ignoring Saitou's snort and raised eyebrow. "…Oh, by the way – I got something for ya – a message from the rooster-head. Now that Megu-sensei's finally let him go, he's been takin' it pretty easy, but he's written ya a letter. Said he's gonna hunt ya down if ya don't show up, whatever that means." He pulled a folded paper from the front of his coat and put it on Saitou's desk with an expression of extreme amusement.

"Hm. A letter? As if he couldn't come see me in person," Saitou said.

"Well, maybe the letter says somethin' that's too embarassin' ta' say out loud, ya know?" shrugged Chou, unsuccessfully hiding a leer.

Saitou snorted. "That idiot doesn't know the meaning of shame. He's probably just too lazy to show up."

"Cold be." Chou shrugged. "But maybe he's confessin' some deeply hidden desire or whatever the shit." He ignored a sound of ridicule from Saitou. "…I'll be outta here!" Chou practically giggled, jabbing his thumb over his shoulder and making a quick exit.

Waving a dismissive hand at him, Saitou unfolded the paper. Rooster-head was indeed an apt nickname for Sanosuke, as his handwriting resembled nothing if not chicken-scratch. Raising it up to the light, Saitou began to decipher.

Addressed to… Weird scribble-looking clump of lines, rice field… Oh, that was 'Fujita'. That idiot's kanji certainly needed some work. He continued to read. ' _Hey_ ,' he read. Okay, that was relatively legible ' _Meet me in front of the_ …' what on earth was that character? Maybe it was 'clothing' if he squinted, ' _…Clothes store on that street two streets down from the station at evening_ ,' at least he _hoped_ that was what it said. ' _The store's owned by some old guy. You know what I'm talking about – it's that one right next to where we busted that guy for drugs and shit._ ' How _very_ specific of him, Saitou thought with a roll of his eyes (yet knowing exactly what Sanosuke was taking about). ' _Anyways, see you there – if you stand me up – I'll kill you. This night's on me_.' It was signed with simply 'Sa' – the character for 'left' that the young street fighter had on his door at the row-house.

Resolving to tell Sanosuke exactly how terrible his handwriting was, Saitou rose from his desk in a considerably better mood than he had sat down at it – not that he would have admitted it to anyone.

* * *

In a riverside restaurant that he was dragged to by the enthusiastic rooster-head, Saitou tried to make sense of Sanosuke from across the table. The young man was managing to stuff his face, make the lamest jokes possible and be _much_ too attractive at the same time. Multitasking at its finest. If he could only apply that to _work_ … However, he seemed to be in a lot better shape than the last time Saitou had seen him, if the way he was packing away food and spouting nonsense was any indication.

And, despite the terrible jokes, Saitou was enjoying himself rather more than he was showing.

"…Hey, d'you know why three's the best-lookin' number?" asked Sanosuke around a mouthful of pork.

Saitou raised an eyebrow. "…If this is _another_ pun-" he began, rolling his eyes.

"Because 'san kakke-e' – triangle!" Sanosuke grinned. "Get it? 'Sankakkei' is 'triangle' and 'san' is 'three' and 'kakkei' sounds like 'good-lookin' which is like 'kakke-e'!"

Sighing loudly, Saitou took a sip of tea. "Didn't I say that _three_ puns were the limit for tonight? That last one was especially bad and it was the _fourth_."

"Hey – I came up with that one myself!" Sanosuke protested with a laugh. "And you _love_ it, admit it, man! It's classy humor, just like what you like!"

"I have _never_ liked-"

Sanosuke cut in with a, "Although, since you've got like, _no_ sense of humor anyway, you don't find _anythin_ ' funny – you just laugh at dumb people sometimes, I guess…"

"I have a _sophisticated_ sense of humor that the likes of you will never understand," Saitou countered.

"If _that's_ bein' s'fisticated – I want no part of it," Sanosuke grumbled.

"If _what_ is being sophisticated?"

"Y'know," Sanosuke said, making a face. "Bein' all serious all the time an' super like, _disdainful_. Lookin' down on people all the time." He began to shovel the leftover fried onions into his mouth, raising the bowl to his face and when he looked at Saitou again, he was wiping the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand. "I prefer t' be un-classy than not enjoy life."

Saitou gestured across the table. "…You have grease on your chin," he said, before coming back with a retort. "I would think that the two aren't mutually exclusive, but for a one-track mind such as yours, maybe so," Saitou said with a slight shake of his head unable to suppress a slight laugh. Sanosuke made a face at him, rubbing at his chin. "…You're ridiculous."

"Aw, c'mon – I know you love me," Sanosuke laughed dismissively.

Said casually, the words themselves made Saitou stare at the other man for a little longer than he probably should've. His lame and rather late reply was, "…I would trade you for a bowl of soba any day."

Sanosuke stuck his tongue out and pulled down the bottom lid of one of his eyes and then broke into a laugh. "Well, good thing you've got both – neither of us's gotta go, right?" he addressed the half-empty bowl of soba in front of Saitou, winking at it like an old friend.

"Now I _know_ you're insane – talking to inanimate objects," Saitou said, rolling his eyes and continuing to eat.

"Did you _ever_ doubt that?" Sanosuke asked. "You call me an idiot _ninety_ percent of the time an' then _five_ percent of the time it's 'insane rooster-head'."

Saitou sighed. "Percentages are out of a hundred, idiot – you're missing five percent," he corrected

"Oi, oi! I knew that!" Grinning, Sanosuke leaned across the table. "Lemme explain. Alrighty – _four_ percent is when you call me anythin' _else_ insulting…" His grin widened. "And that one little one percent is when you actually use my _name_ f'r once."

"It's what you deserve," Saitou said, snorting.

"Oi, that's _cold_!" grumbled Sanosuke, crossing his arms and putting down his empty bowl on the table. "Why are you so freakin' mean to me?" He pouted, chewing on a toothpick. "Plus, I've got a name for a _reason_ , you know."

Saitou raised an eyebrow, then set his own bowl down. "…Old habits die hard, Sanosuke," he said quietly, fixing his eyes on Sanosuke's – then almost laughed. The look on Sanosuke's face was a cross between openmouthed surprise and red-faced flustered-ness – and his toothpick fell from his mouth. Saitou smirked. "As if, idiot," he added, rolling his eyes.

At that, Sanosuke almost jumped across the table to strangle him, the blush oddly not fading. "You absolute goddamn _asshat_! I seriously hate you, you know that?" he growled, ignoring other patrons of the restaurant staring at him for a moment. "What the fuck was _that_ , huh?! Just when I think you're bein' _nice_ for once!"

Raising his eyebrow again, Saitou kept smirking. "You seem rather upset," he said. "Shouldn't you know that's not a possibility?"

"Because you're bein' an asshole…" muttered Sanosuke, looking away. "…I mean, I don't actually mind it when you call me all sorts of stuff – it sounds fine comin' from you, somehow, y'know?" Saitou carefully eyed Sanosuke trying to figure out if he was saying what Saitou thought he was saying. He must've looked more taken in than he thought, for Sanosuke's face quickly split into a shit-eating grin and he let out a roar of loud laughter. "As _if_!" He stuck his tongue out and pulled his lower eyelid down, making a childish face at Saitou. "Hah! Go'cha!"

Saitou raised an eyebrow and only shook his head. "See how I'm not trying to kill you right now?" he asked. "You should be taking notes."

"Why do you always turn everything into 'oh, look – I'm better than you'?" Sanosuke complained.

"Because it's entertaining to rile you up, maybe? Besides being terrible at defense, you have no self-control." Saitou pretended to think. "Or maybe because I just _am_."

"No, you're not! I'm better at…" Sanosuke thought for a moment, "…Eatin' more food than you! I'm _way_ better at makin' jokes – and I'm in general just a hella more positive person!" he nodded smugly. "Also, I can do the 'Futae no Kiwami' an' _you_ can't – plus, I'm _way_ easier to get along with." He nodded again, looking up to try and remember other things he was better at than Saitou. "…I'm also prob'ly better at a lot of other things, but I can't r'member right now."

"Then I have a much better memory than you," Saitou said with a smirk.

"Aw, fuck off…" groaned Sanosuke. "The only reason I can't win with you 's 'cause you're just better at bein' rude an' sarcastic all the time than me."

"Yet another thing I excel at and you cannot possibly replicate. I see you admit it yourself."

"Only _you_ would be proud of that."

Saitou really was enjoying himself more than he would ever admit.

* * *

With every passing second, Sanosuke was losing all faith he may have had in Katsuhiro's taste in _anything_ in the theater. He sat beside Saitou, almost in shock, his jaw almost in his lap, his eyes glazed over. "I have no fuckin' clue what's happenin'," Sanosuke whispered, shaking his head, not taking his wide eyes off the stage.

Saitou squinted. "I think this is a 'modernized' version of 'The Tale of Genji'," he said slowly. "But they're all wearing cat masks. And… Cheap women's kimonos. And they're all either screaming or whispering – in a really thick rural dialect."

On stage, a man fell to the floor, looking to be suffering from some form of conniptions. "Ah cayun't dew this anymawre!" he shrieked. He was dragged offstage by several of his masked companions. Sanosuke let out a snort of laughter at that – and was immediately shushed by the man sitting in front of him.

"Really?" he asked Saitou, unsure – during the moment of near-silence when the men on stage whispered amongst themselves. "Maybe – could be _anythin'_ 't _this_ point." Sanosuke also squinted. "But… Well, I mean, Katsu says it's art."

"I'm sure he does," Saitou muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Oi, you gotta admit, it's funny as hell," Sanosuke argued.

Saitou looked at him and said nothing for a while, only shaking his head. "I don't think it's supposed to be," he finally said.

" _How_?! This is fuckin' hilarious as shit!" yelped Sanosuke in surprise and then raised his hands in surrender as he was assaulted by another round of shushing. "Ugh – why is it so _quiet_ here? This isn't what a normal play is like," he muttered to himself.

Saitou shook his head again. On the stage, another cat-masked man fell to his knees, ripped his lurid cotton kimono open at the front and let out a sudden scream of, "Yew all cayun't _dew_ this tew me! Ah'm gonna fuckin' di-ie! All by my lonesome! How could yew?!"

There were sniffs in the audience, sleeves passing over moist eyes at this emotional performance – and at the back, Sanosuke powerlessly tried to suppress hoots of laughter. "This arty shit's _great_! Oh fuck, I _love_ this!" He clutched at the floor, shoulders shaking. "Aw, this _can't_ be good for my ribs!" His words deteriorated into helpless laughter again.

"Take a few deep breaths and look away," Saitou advised dryly. "I think someone else is going to scream again."

"Oh shit, wait… You like it, right? It's uhh… Entertainment, right?" suddenly and seriously asked Sanosuke, remembering Katsuhiro's words the day he came to visit him at the clinic. '… _If Saitou's cultured enough to appreciate it, I give you my permission to date him_.'

Saitou snorted. "…I've probably seen worse, I suppose," he said. "…But the most entertaining thing about this play is your reaction to it."

On stage someone let out a sharp scream of 'No-o-o!', but Sanosuke ignored him, grinning at Saitou. "Hey, hey – you're supposed t' be watchin' the _stage_ , not _me_ – I know I'm hella hot an' you can't keep your eyes off'a me – but-"

Rolling his eyes, Saitou looked down at Sanosuke with a superior smirk. "You're interpreting my words the wrong way idiot. If _your_ reactions are the most entertaining thing – how bad is the play?"

"Aw, shut up – I'm hot as hell," grumbled Sanosuke. "You can at least admit _that_ , right?"

Saitou snorted derisively again, but didn't say anything.

"You _know_ I'm ridiculously sexy," tried Sanosuke again.

Saitou simply raised a single eyebrow for a moment, not even looking away from the stage. "I think you just mean ridiculous."

"Yeah. I'm like, the hottest guy in this room right now – an' you agree," Sanosuke said conversationally, trying to provoke a reaction.

"I'm sure your looks would be even _further_ improved by one of those cat masks," Saitou said sarcastically.

"I've got one hell of a physique – an' a good-lookin' face to match!" combatively growled Sanosuke.

Saitou sighed tiredly, sounding _very_ bored when he spoke. "Fine. Yes. All of that. _Now_ will you stop talking? I'm not interested in being kicked out."

Sanosuke happily grinned and crossed his arms, silently facing the stage. "You just admitted I was hot – I'm _never_ gonna let you f'rget, old wolf!" he said in a gleeful whisper.

"You have an unfortunately selective memory, idiot."

"Oi, oi – this's a historical moment."

"I didn't know you put so much stock by what I thought of you."

"…That's not what I meant at all. You really _are_ 'n asshole, you know that?"

"With you telling me every five seconds, how could I not?"

However, Sanosuke didn't reply with a snarky retort, but with a confused question. He had glanced at the stage – and was distracted by the spectacle even more than he was before. "…Oi, Saitou – why's that guy doin' a handstand? That's not 'Tale of Genji', right?"

Saitou shook his head slowly. "It's probably supposed to mean something. Or maybe he's a tree. I see they're missing a lot of props."

"Shouldn't you _know_ this kinda stuff? Katsu said it was high culture – isn't that your deal, 'Shinsengumi Kyoto Samurai-san who reads stuff all the time'?"

Snorting and raising an eyebrow, Saitou quipped, "Yes – emphasis on the 'high'. I have to arrest these kinds of people every now and then." He paused. "…And I really don't think that new nickname is catchy enough to work, idiot."

Sanosuke shrugged. "It _fits_. You got _tons_ of books in your house, not even _Katsu_ has that many. How come?"

"Because I _read_ them, idiot – I thought even _you_ could figure that out," Saitou said.

* * *

The play had thankfully finished, and Sanosuke and Saitou exited the theater, receiving dirty looks from the people who had sat nearby them. Sanosuke folded his arms behind his head and looked up at the sky, grinning. "Oi, look. The moon's risin'."

Saitou glanced up, his arms folded inside the sleeves of his dark kimono. "Hm."

"So? What'cha think?" Sanosuke asked eagerly. "That was kinda fun, right? All s'fisticated an' whatever."

"I think I need to quote you here," Saitou said with a smirk. "'If _that's_ being sophisticated – I want no part of it'," he said. "…It must be some sort of absurdist Western influence."

"Well, no-one's askin' _you_ t' prance around in a cat-mask…" muttered Sanosuke.

"If they did, you know I would probably stab them," he agreed. "Otherwise," Saitou continued, "Tonight was rather more entertaining than doing paperwork."

Sanosuke made a face at him. "I'm gonna take that as a compliment – seein' as you seem t' _really_ like your paperwork." He sighed and crossed his arms. "An'… Well… You better've had fun. If you even know what the word means."

Snorting, Saitou raised an eyebrow. "Out of the two of us, if anyone doesn't know what a word means, it's you." He paused, as if remembering something. "…Report on your condition."

"Sir, yes, _sir_." With a mock salute, Sanosuke twirled around on one leg. "The condition's doin' absolutely great! But uh, the rib thing's gonna take a few more uh, days. Arm's a bit sore – but otherwise, I'm in top condition. I can take anyone down! This is my legendary toughness, old wolf – I heal _real_ quick." He laughed. "And, 'report on your condition', really? You can't just ask 'how're you doin'?' – or does that sound like you actually give a shit?"

"Back to work next week, then," said Saitou in a businesslike tone, ignoring him. "No more lounging around."

"Look, if there was somethin' I needed to do that desperately – you'd just bring it over. Like, you gave me a report t' write when I was still in bed." Sanosuke laughed. "You'd just show up all the time with more an' more shit f'r me t' do. The Broom was all jokin' 'bout how you just wanted 't see me _that_ much. Don't think I've ever done that much paperwork in my life."

Saitou rolled his eyes. "The broom-head has ridiculous ideas – sometimes more ridiculous than even yours."

"Oh wow! That's a _real_ insult." Now it was Sanosuke's turn to roll his eyes. "You are so _rude_ , man."

"Is this a case of the pot calling the kettle black?" mildly wondered Saitou.

"Aw, shut it," grumbled Sanosuke.

"Point proven," Saitou said.

Sanosuke wheeled around, turning on Saitou. "What _is_ it, 'xactly, 'bout constantly provin' me wrong?"

"Maybe you should thank me for offering you learning opportunities."

"Or maybe you just really enjoy bein' a sarcastic bastard," muttered Sanosuke.

"Oh, are you annoyed?"

There was a short silence.

"You just proved _my_ point!" yelled Sanosuke triumphantly.

Saitou snorted. "You seem very excited."

"Oi – don't demean my achievement," Sanosuke retorted, aiming a punch (that didn't connect) at Saitou's shoulder. "This's a 'nother historical moment, 'kay?"

"You're ridiculous," Saitou said, letting out a quiet sound of amusement.

Sanosuke grinned. "Yeah, yeah. That's not what you mean at all, right? In 'Saitou-language' that means, 'you're a real nice, good-lookin', funny an' otherwise attractive guy, Sano'."

"Keep dreaming, idiot," Saitou said with a snort.

Sanosuke's grin widened. "An' _that_ means, 'do you really think I'm gonna admit it?'" He nodded with satisfaction. "I've got you all figgered out."

Shaking his head, Saitou avoided another friendly shoulder-punch from Sanosuke. "...Or you just hear what you want to hear," he dryly suggested. "I wonder how you would interpret me _complimenting_ you."

That took a bit of thought. Sanosuke looked at Saitou, then up at the sky, tapping his fingers against his chin. "Well," he finally said, "I'd either think you were bein' _honest_ f'r once – or that you'd gone completely nuts. Or both. But I'd take the compliment, whatever it was." He grinned. "…Why? 'S there somethin' you wanna say?"

"You wish."

Grinning, Sanosuke jabbed his thumb at a fork in the road. "Well, I gotta go that way – so see you!" He waved.

Saitou raised a hand in answer and turned away as well.

In the moonlight and the light of the still-open stores and houses, Sanosuke grinned widely to himself, folding his arms behind his head. He began to whistle, a bounce in his step. He might've been an idiot, but he was a happy (and ridiculously whipped) idiot.


End file.
